Befriend Yourself - The Centering Meditation

Centering is active meditation. Within you is a space that is always calm and at peace and is referred to as your "calm center". Being centered means staying peacefully calm amidst the frenzy of daily life. Centering is not allowing your inner glow to be eclipsed by stressful circumstances or negative thoughts, emotions and events.

A centered individual is in a state of clarity, focus, peace, and balance. When you are not centered, you are uncertain, unfocussed, stressed, and off balance.

A good centering method will necessitate merely nominal attention, allowing you to direct some of your attention on the activity at hand. Here are some very easy, effective centering techniques.

1. Simple Breath Responsiveness
While involved in whatever you are doing, bring some attention to your breathing for just a few moments... it needn't be your full attention... just enough to bring you back to your calm center. Breathe naturally, or perhaps just a little more slowly and deeply.
2. Regain Your Energy
When you are feeling stressed and scattered, take several slow, deep breaths. With each in-breath, imagine you are pulling all of your scattered energy and attention back to your inner self... your calm center.
3. Letting Go
This centering technique combines breath awareness with the phrase or mantra, "Let go." It is especially helpful when you are tense and/or fixating on a stressful situation or a negative thought or emotion.
As you inhale, (silently or aloud) say, "Let"
As you exhale, say "go"... while letting go of all that is stressing you.
4. Central Energy
Imagine a bright sun filling your heart chakra... the calm, subtle energy field that permeates your chest area. Imagine that sun gently emanating peace and joy throughout your entire being.

Now, try it with the meditative statements below:

Breathe in deeply all the possibilities that lie before you, and breathe out softly, any perceived encumbrances, trials or tribulations.

Breathe in completely all the guidance and support that awaits you, and breathe out gently all that no longer serves you in any way.

Breathe in fully all the freshness that sustains and nourishes you, and breathe out calmly all that has become weary and too difficult to hold.

Just let it all go, let it melt away, dissolve, disappear.

You are here now, in this moment, which unfolds before you like a flower.

And like a flower, nothing is asked of you, but that you be real, authentic, true.

And like a flower, nothing is required of you, but that you be fully present, deeply alive and profoundly aware of life all around you.

And like a flower, nothing is demanded of you, but that you be open, willing, daring, conscious.

May your day be blessed with the gifts of insight, understanding, compassion and a deep inner knowing.

May the light shine for you on those places you have hidden from view, your own or others, so that you may see, feel and know, perhaps for the very first time, the deepest truth of who you really are and why you came here.

May the grandest mysteries of life beckon to you, and may you yield to their advances and surrender to their affections.

May you ask of life that it take from you whatever it may, so that your place here has purpose and your journey be not in vain.

May you take the time to cease the inner chatter and feel the stillness in your own soul, and in that stillness may you see with new eyes, the perfection in each person and the gifts they lay before you at your feet. And may you gladly embrace those gifts and take them into your gentle and opening heart.

Your time alone is sacred, as is every moment lived from a conscious place.

May you be accompanied by Angels, precious beings from all places and times holy, and seen and unseen friends, who quietly rejoice along side of you in your awakening, those beings who want only the best for you and see you in your splendor, even when you do not.

And when you are done with this moment, may you enfold it in love and send it out into the world where it will uplift the planet, touching each person in a profound yet almost imperceptible way, like a butterfly alights upon a flower, aware of something forever changed.

For every time you breathe a little lighter, the world is lighter and the healing begins for all of us, not just for one of us, but for all of us.

When you have the courage to awaken, you do it for everyone, because you are everyone.

Fighting Right at Every Stage of Love Quarrel

Such unavoidable scuffles you have with your man don’t have to set off turmoil in the relationship. In effect, when dealt with appropriately, quarrels can help you better understand and value each other. Yap, I’m serious!

Clashes with your man are not amusing, but they’re inevitable. And when they come, you may be bothered that the loving bond you’ve established in your relationship will somehow begin to grind down. I don’t think so, fighting is a necessary ingredient for intimacy. It proves that you have invested that much to want to hash something out instead of just writing each other off.

Twisted as it looks, disagreements can in fact deliver an opportunity for you and your guy to grow closer — if you handle them constructively instead of allowing them devolve into huge, repulsive nosh-ups. It takes emotional intelligence to take the anger out of an issue and talk about it productively, and many people don’t learn those skills growing up. . On the following pages, top communication, relationship, and conflict-resolution experts provide their best pieces of advice on how to avoid common quarreling pitfalls, plus crucial strategies for fighting right at every stage of a love quarrel.

PRELIMINARIES: ESCALATING MOVES

E-mailing your grievances. If you’ve been stewing over something your guy said or did, it’s tempting to fire off a bitchy e-mail or IM detailing your issues. But by doing that, you run the risk of blindsiding your guy — remember, he may be clueless to the fact that you’re upset.

Trapping him. It’s important to pick a good time to air your gripe. So if your boyfriend thinks he’s coming home to spend the night vegging on the couch and instead you rip into him the second he walks in the door about how badly he behaved in front of your friends last Friday, you’re setting him — and yourself — up. At best, he’ll offer a stunned, knee-jerk response that will likely upset you more. If you’re not both in a frame of mind to discuss the issue, nothing will get solved.

PRELIMINARIES: BONDING MOVES

Identify the real problem. Say you’re seething because he didn’t RSVP to his friend’s party on your behalf. Before you read him the riot act, spend time reflecting — maybe you feel left out of his social circle or you have concerns about his lack of responsibility or etiquette. Fighting is often about something much deeper than the surface issue. Freaking out about a specific instance (the RSVP debacle) won’t improve communication. But if you can identify what’s really bothering you, he can work on that bigger issue.

Settle evenly. Guys are biologically engineered to avoid screechy female tones...or so you’d think. Meaning, if you want him to stay in the room long enough to hear you out, you have to calm your butt down. What I suggest is taking two breaths into your belly and thinking of something good in your life so your nervous system relaxes. Taking that moment will help you remain kind, which in turn will get him to see how committed you are to finding a sane solution.

FOR THE DURATION: ESCALATING MOVES

Confining your comments. The tiff started when he came home late, but since you’re riled up, you also bring up how sexist his friends are and how selfish he is to watch TV when you’re having a bad day. Confine your discussion to one incident. Snowballing your complaints confuses both of you about what the real issue is. Keeping focused lets you resolve the argument at hand instead of creating new ones.

Avoiding repetitions. If he doesn’t seem to get why you’re so peeved through his thick skull, keep hammering it home, right? Wrong. Anytime one of you repeats yourself, it means the other person has stopped listening and put on their mental mute button. At this point, productivity is at a standstill.

Filthy shots. Sarcasm and name-calling are cheap shots. It takes maturity to stay even-keeled.

FOR THE DURATION: BONDING MOVES

Saying instead of blaming. It sounds psychobabbly, but it really works and makes people less defensive. Try it: “You don’t do any chores, so I did the dishes again!” sounds blamey, while “I feel like I’m left with an unfair share of housework, such as the dishes. What do you think about that?” suddenly opens things up for a legit discussion.

Inquiring. As your guy spells out his side, get details: “When did you first notice this?” or “What would you like me to do next time?” This shows him that you’re listening, and guys respond well when they feel respected.

Taking time-off. If things get ugly, say “I’m too upset to talk rationally. Can we revisit this tomorrow/after I work out/in an hour or so?” When you think of a fight as a talk, not a blowout, it takes the fear out of it. You both become more optimistic about handling it.

FINISHING OFF: ESCALATING MOVES

Obliging. Not all arguments can be resolved in one sitting. So while you might want to slog out the details right away, your guy may be over it — at least for the night. People in conflict have different styles of settling things and need different amounts of time to process what’s been said, and all of them are valid. As long as you’ve said your piece and feel heard, be willing to compromise with how your partner wants to handle the situation.

Requiring a perfect act of contrition. When we’re mad, our reptilian brain kicks in and wants our opponent to grovel and apologize. It’s crucial to let your frontal lobe take control and remind you that it’s the big picture — harmony — that’s important. So if he said he was sorry, take it at face value instead of holding out for him to say it the “right” way.

FINISHING OFF: BONDING MOVES

Get going. Once you’ve heard the outcome you were after (an apology, a promise to try harder, an explanation of why he feels that way, etc.), any further fighting is self-indulgent. Be willing to stop when you reach your goal. Move on

Clearing it out verbally. When you come to an agreement on something that needs to change, verbalize the specifics so you both know what to expect. For example, “In the future, if I’m going to be working past 8, I’ll call you. That way, you don’t misunderstand and wind up bickering again about the same thing.

Signing in prior to sign out. Before you walk away, say that as far as you’re concerned, the issue is resolved, then ask him if he feels the same. It conveys concern for your mate’s point of view.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: DIVIDING MOVES

Keeping a chip on your shoulder. Some people blow the memory of a dispute way out of proportion. But by nurturing a grudge and holding on to your anger, you hurt for far longer than you need to.

Referencing the brawl. Making cracks about your fight-night drama in front of other people — even as a joke — erodes trust. It escalates his defensiveness, both on that topic and the next one you have an argument about. Just the mention of a sore subject in front of a third party can make him feel like he’s being attacked or belittled.

Clamoring for the final word. Say you let things go at the time, but you just thought of a great point to make or something clever you should’ve said. So you toss a pointed comment over dinner or send an e-mail “clarifying” your point of view. These actions only re-engage the entire tussle and leave him wondering if he can trust that you’re telling the truth the next time you say you’ve made peace with the matter.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: UNITING MOVES

Spotlighting his finest traits. After a draining debate, spend some time dwelling on what you love about your guy — even the smallest, stupidest things, like how he always restocks the cookies when they’re running low. Contemplating your partner’s good points puts him in a more positive light in your mind, and it helps balance the stuff that’s irritating about him.

Sending a nice note/e-mail. No need to rehash the events, but bouncing him a “Thanks for talking that over” or “Again, I’m sorry, and I love you” can go a long way toward rebuilding goodwill. When you give these interpersonal gifts, the natural instinct on his part is to give you one in return at some point. It’s a gesture that only benefits the relationship.

Caressing him. A reassuring hug or back scratch can be all it takes to transmit to your guy (who’s naturally less verbal) that you’re still a tight couple. These touches are all about reassuring him and expressing your love — directly and indirectly. They say, ‘Yes, I can be angry and still love you.’” And, hey, if it leads to make-up sex, so be it. There’s a reason that variety of nooky has such a hot reputation.

Getting Through a Broken Heart

Unless you belong to the lucky minority who met their soul mate in high school, married right after college, and spent the next 5 decades in marital bliss, you are going to bear what millions before you have gone through, and what millions after you will experience - a broken heart.

The hurt during a breakup is as individual as the millions of people who suffer it. While some simply shake the dust off and get right back into the dating game, others are left so distraught that they never date again, spending the rest of their life in bitter solitude. Why the difference? Could some of us just be stronger than others? Do some people love harder than others? Are some loves more connected than others?

For a good number of us who experience a break-up, a normal mournful stage will come about: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. But for some, the grief and devastation are so severe that they end up hospitalized, and even suicidal. Others remain either bitter or so afraid of getting hurt that they never date again, closing off their hearts to just about everyone. Yet, some don't even grieve at all, subconsciously choosing to simply transfer their feelings for one person immediately onto that of another person in what is called a rebound relationship. Some people find that venting or journaling or blogging is the only thing that helps them release the pain and understand their broken heart.

Most of the variations have something to do with our loving style. There are many loving styles ranging from the very healthy, to the desperately needy. While one person may love another in a supportive and healthy way, another person may cling onto their mate simply as a way to fix what they imagine to be wrong with themselves. They use their partner as a method of dealing with their own imagined inadequacies or feelings of unworthiness - feeling good only as long as they are in the relationship. Others simply like the 'high' of being in love. This high becomes addictive to them and they hop from one relationship instantly into another - often times head-over-heels in love by the second date. They recklessly seek 'love' much as an addict will seek a 'fix', and are often so in need of being in love that they imagine their partners to have all the qualities they are looking for in a mate - whether their partners actually possess these qualities or not. Still others simply surrender themselves into their relationships quickly losing themselves and their own sense of individuality, becoming 'the relationship'. Should the relationship end, then shall they, too.

A hale and hearty view of oneself, one's partner, and one's relationship is crucial to surviving the ups and downs in our endless search for that special someone to share our lives with.

Read Also

• Debra Waibel ( Shattered Girlz ) added a discussion (fashionindustrynetwork.com)
• How NOT to help heal a broken heart (cnn.com)