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Sunday, September 13, 2009

Discover your �Giving Bee� profile

Bumblebees are all giving by nature. They give naturally to maintain the world of abundance. But each bee actually takes a different standing in maintaining the colony as well as the flower garden. So, I thought human beings are the same. We are all naturally giving and sharing. But we often express our giving in different ways. So, here it is a 'giving bee ' chart where you can find your bee type. Watch out for the following bee analysis! The more you share your value as a giving bees, the more we can do together to make a difference.

Bumblebee type analysis

1. Change-making bee A giving bee who likes to see change - who spots every opportunity to do something better and worthwhile. A change-making bee often starts up new amazing projects for others to participate in. A flexible thinker who can collaborate well with others while often taking a leadership position in making change. Many business leaders and creators are this type of giving bee. They are not afraid of having change.

2. Believing bee: A giving bee who believes in one core beliefs very strongly and inspire others to follow. Rather than changing all the time and being too flexible, this giving bee attracts people by being solid like a rock and integral to the unwavering belief and vision. Some of the religious leaders as well as political leaders are this type of giving bee. Believing bees makes for a great leader who attracts huge numbers of followers. This bee also can be a great follower who strongly supports an existing belief and excites others to come together.

3. Caring and nurturing bee: A giving bee who may not stand out as a strong leader but actually are the biggest heart-focused givers. A caring and nurturing bee is egoless in giving and is always first to take the giving action when seeing anyone in need. Though this bee seems gentle and caring, the strong desire to give and care for others drives this giving bee to present some unimagined giving acts. Many people who dedicate their lives to giving (volunteering, community service etc) are this type of bee. Giving comes more natural to them.

4. Supporting and uniting bee: A giving bee who sees the largest value in uniting and cooperating in effective partnerships. This giving bee is very focused on looking for existing great ideas, mechanisms, philosophies or beliefs to benefit the community. It tends to support what resonates with him/her more often than coming up with a brand new way. A supporting and uniting bee is less attached to own way and has more flexible mind while being quite strategic about what to support. Rather than taking immediate action emotionally, this bee sees the value in creating the long-term unity. Long-term 'quiet' charity givers and those who take low profile in community giving but stick to the same project for a long time are often this type of bee.

Buy1GIVE1 or B1G1 ( www.buy1-give1free.com ) is the home of the most powerful, impactful and change-making giving process in the world. Buy One Give One (BOGO) is now a global 'movement' bringing together businesses, charities and consumers in a way that has simply not been done before.


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Friday, September 11, 2009

Love - The Secret to Manifesting Abundance

In times of great economic fluctuations and uncertainty, it is our nature to contract, pull in, look for cover, and try to ride out the storm. We often wait and try not to make changes, holding on tight to our present way of life until the storm passes. If we know that a storm will only last for a day or two, we are confident that we can ride it out. But even when the world is in a period of great change and the storm has no end in sight, pulling in, contracting, holding tight and waiting is still not the best way to deal with the situation at hand.

There is an old saying that "God never closes a door without opening a window." But if you are pulled in, holding on and hiding, it is hard to see exactly where a window is from which you can fly.

When you are not sure what to do or where to go, begin by going inward and examining not only where you are, but how you got there and who you became in the process. This is a time when you must look to yourself to see where you are on your "How much do I love myself?" meter. Follow that up by checking in on how much you really loved the life you were living before the storm.

When the duties and activities that have been constantly sucking in your time and energy suddenly seem to have either gone away, are no longer available, or are no longer practical, recognize how their absence has given you back the wonderful gift of time.

How often in the past, did you complain because you never had the time to do the things you wanted to do? If it wasn't work, your time was over committed because of family, personal, social, or business obligations. For many, with the tightening of the economy, those obligations are no longer affordable. Tough choices had to be made, or were made for you. The question is - what are you going to fill that time with? Look around, maybe you are not the only one that suddenly has more time. Is your life partner more available as well? Are your children no longer taking as many lessons or participating in after school activities five days a week? Or maybe it's a good friend or a treasured sibling. Yours is not the only world that is changing in all this upheaval, so who can you spend more "together time" with?

Think back on when you were a child and the things you loved to do, when the world was not quite so chaotic. Is it a discovery time? Now you have more time not only to explore yourself and your neglected interests, hobbies and passions, but the people who are important in your life. Sure, you can all sit around with your family or friends and take turns complaining about how unfair everything is and then do mind numbing activities like sit around and zone out to the TV, or you might all go into your respect corners to play games on the computer with occasional breaks to complain how unfair it is, but why would you want to? Doesn't sound like much fun, does it? Or you can take this opportunity, as you learn yourself, to teach your children, how to deal positively with tough times. You can discover ways to have fun, be connected and enjoy yourself - ways that cost nothing more than time and effort.

The more you are able to rediscover your passions, learn to love yourself and love others in new, different and more intense ways, and allow yourself to see where your passions take you, the more you will discover that abundance, in many different and unexpected ways, will start to flow into your life.

Release your attachments as to how things need to look, or should look, so that you can see all the different windows of abundance and the many opportunities the Universe is offering you.

Love, love, and love more, in all of its flows and all of its aspects, and within those flows, you will find the flows of abundance.

Go find a window.

Dr. Kevin Ross Emery is a popular author, psychic, coach, consultant and teacher. Dr. Kevin travels internationally, offering lectures and workshops to empower people from all walks of life. He's also available for phone (and Skype) consultations. Dr. Kevin's primary practices are in Portland, Maine and Haverhill, Massachusetts. Join Dr Kevin on his weekly radio show: "Outside the Box with Dr Kevin" at http://www.weboflight.com.

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Five Ways To Turn Sports Into Team Building Games For Everyone

Sports have incredible potential as team building exercises, but they also carry challenges with them. Some people are natural athletes, but others are uncomfortable with returning to sports they might not have played since high school. The Xpeerience Group runs sports-based team building activities out of extensive facilities in Toronto’s harbor lands, including two full-sized sports fields with artificial turf. The team development group suggests five techniques to turn ordinary sports into team building games that reward cooperation as much as they do athletic star power.

Childhood Games: For older players, returning to childhood games can level the playing field, as each player will be relatively rusty. Popular team games include tag, capture the flag and dodge ball. One way to lessen the sting of being taken “out” is to change the rules so that it’s possible to bring players back regularly. For example, the “jail” system (where captured players stand in a designated area, but can be released by approaching players) can be adapted to many different games.

Cooperative Rules: All sports reward athletic ability but a few are structured so that in amateur play, a few athletes can easily dominate play. Soccer forwards (or “strikers”) can rule the game in pairs, and everyone’s experienced what a “heavy hitter” can do to a baseball or softball game. The solution? Change the rules to reward cooperation. In thrown or kickball games, add rules that require a certain number of passes to different players before scoring is allowed. In softball or baseball you can change the rules to make the pitcher a member of the batting side’s team, so that both sides cooperate to get the best hit at bat possible.

Giant Hobby Games: Once you make a traditional board or hobby game big enough it might just turn into a sport! The Xpeerience Group regularly guides teams through “supersized” versions of classics like Jenga and Connect 4. This moves the game slightly into the realm of athletic activity, but not so much that one person can confidently dominate it. In fact

Mix Teams: When it doubt, mix up the teams? This tries and true team building method is an excellent way to create a relaxed, cooperative atmosphere to any team sport. Trade half of each team with the other at the halfway point and you’ll not only get a more diverse mix of people, but you’ll maximize opportunities to socialize and prevent people from taking the game too seriously.

Unusual Sports: One way to encourage cooperation is to make every player equally unfamiliar with the rules. You can do this by choosing an obscure team sport (Wikipedia has descriptions of several) or be creating a truly off the wall variation of a standard sport. For example, the Xpeerience Group uses a game where each side tries to collect as many bandannas (tucked in players’ belts or a similar location) as possible.

Whatever you do, your goal it to get people talking, working together and having fun together – never at the expense of any single player.

The Xpeerience Group is a corporate team building games and team development group located in Toronto, Ontario. To inquire about Xpeerience Group services, visit xpeeriencegroup.com/contactus or email info@xpeeriencegroup.com.

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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Safety Tips for free online dating

Online dating or Internet dating are very popular these days. But online dating has the advantages of its own, it's been misused by many and has its own disadvantages too. Online dating is fun and convienent but still one has to be very careful while dating with someone she hardly knows. Here are some tips which may help you to be safe in online dating.

Start slow.

While you are starting a new online dating over the internet, watch out for someone who seems to be good and true. Begin your online dating by communication through Emails. Before Emailing any person besure that your inner instinct is comfortable with the personal ads or online dating profiles. First send a message for the person whom you are interested, Read well and get to know more about them through their online dating profile. During the communication through emails watch out for the odd behavior and inconsistencies. Listen to the correspondent's words in email. In Online dating you must listen to each and every word carefully. Remember the person whom you communicate may not be real. So trust your inner Instincts. If anything makes you uncomfortable walk away from that person for your safety.

Guard your personal:

During the online dating process never include your full name, your real email address (if possible create a seperate email address for online dating purposes). Don't give any of your personal details like home address, telephone number, work place or any other identifiable information about you. During email communication be careful about your signatures, because they have your personal details. If possible disable them. Stop communicating with the members who are insisting you for these information or trying to trick you to reveal these informations. Take time to become comfortable with someone before revealing the personal informations. Ask a lot of questions and be sure that the answers are satisfying and without any other second thoughts and meanings.

Caution and common sense.

Careful decisions generally lead to better results in dating, and this is very true with online Dating too. During the initial stages of online dating, trust yourself and never trust others. A person will become trustworthy through constant honorable, forthright beheavior. You need to test the person and take time for these before you trust the him/her, and pay careful attention along the way. Be conservative before you trust anyone in online dating. If you think someone's lying, it is likely that he/she is, so act accordingly.

Request for a Photo.

A photo will give a good idea about a person's appearance, which may prove its claims. Never trust a person by just a single picture, try to get more pictures of various locations background and poses. If the person comes up with constant excuses then the person has something to hide from you.

In online dating our safety is in our hands and mind. If our mind is not trusting others then better move to those whom we trust.

This free dating safty tips was taken from match.com. Read more articles on our dating articles,friendship articles sections.


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The Secrets of Talking to Women

Men really tend to struggle when it comes to talking to women. Tongues get tied and the brain cells start to die off the instant they try to engage a woman in a conversation. Learning how to talk to women is like learning any other aspect of dating. You need to be willing to try, fail, and try again.

For the most part, you need to give up cheesy pick up lines. Women can see right through these and know that you're not actually trying to talk to them, just pick them up. When you're learning how to talk to women, it is okay to have an opening statement or question on hand, but that isn't the same thing as having a list of quick pick up lines in your pocket. Know what you're going to say before you say it.

Think of talking to women as having a conversation, because that is all that it is. With a good attitude and a little bit of humor you can actually talk to women about anything at all. Have some confidence as this is more important than what you say. Smile. A lot. Walk upright and feel genuinely good about yourself, because these things translate back and forth into how you come off to others. Confidence and happiness are two of the most attractive features in a man, and it can make talking to women much smoother.

Don't be overconfident, aka pushy. Give her the room to decide whether she wants to talk to you. Give her physical room and don't hover waiting for answers. Be a good listener and be gracious even in the face of negatives responses.

Women like compliments and attention, but they like to be listened to even more. They will pick up on whether or not you are listening to them. If you base your responses on listening to her, she will notice and chatting with her will become a much easier experience.

We wish you the best of luck in your dating adventures!

Doug Hosein is a blogger, and all-around knowledge-junkie with a wide range of interests. He has been following the dating industry for years now and has written dozens of articles on the subject. You can view many more informative advice articles at http://www.Online-Dating-Tips.info/


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If there is one objective shared by everyone in this world, whether he/she is a professional or a common man/woman, it is improving interpersonal skills. It is a bit odd that a human being should find dealing with a fellow human being a challenging task! But that is the reality of life. A famous person once remarked "I can achieve anything in this world, if only I don't have to deal with human beings!"

You may winder why the task of improving interpersonal skills should pose such a great challenge. What can be so complicated about it? This is a question that defies a ready answer. We can try to find an answer to this question by looking at the two fundamental truths about human beings.

1) All human beings are the same.
2) Each human being is different.

Any one will immediately see a contradiction. But this should be considered a paradox, rather than a contradiction. After every paradox can be real. Only, it needs to be explained.

Any attempt at improving interpersonal skills should recognize these two fundamental truths. The first task is to reconcile these two apparently divergent concepts? The statement 'All human beings are the same' conveys the fact that each and every action of a human being has a motive behind it. The motivating factor can be a need, a desire, an impulse or a reaction. The other statement, 'Each human being is different' points to the fact that the motivating factors will be different for different people. Two human beings may not be motivated by the same objective. One may do something for fulfilling a need. And another may do the same thing as an expression of his emotion (a reaction.)

The first step in improving interpersonal skills is to understand what motivates every one. How can one find this out? You need to sharpen our sense of observation. Observe a person's behavior, seek to understand it in terms of what motivates him/her, verify the correctness of your understanding through more observations and based on the results of the verification, either confirm your understanding or modify it. If you have to modify your understanding, you need to go through the verification process again till your understanding is confirmed.

Parthasarathy Rengaswami is a trainer in the area of Personality Development, which comprises several aspects like Communication, Creativity, Attitude Development, Improving Interpersonal Skills, Goal Setting, Memory Development, Public Speaking etc.

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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Boost your Mood with Essential Oils

Do you often or occassionally feel sluggish or drained? Are you quite disturbed by recent hitches or maybe you’re just in need of an emotional boost. The scent of essential oils could be just the shot-in-the-arm you need.
It’s general knowledge that smell saturates our emotions and affects our feelings. “Good” smells can lift our spirits, while “bad” smells can yank us downhill or even upset us. As a matter of fact, the French word sentir means “to smell” and “to feel.” We have a propensity to “feel” scents rather than process them logically —understanding them more through associations and images than by rational methods. It’s because the human brain processes smells in its limbic region, which is principally responsible for our emotions. Amusingly, the limbic system is regularly called the rhinencephalon or “smell part” of the brain. Studies show that emotion and odors are directly related and have been established to generate some of the same electrical impulses.

Essential oils incorporate natural phytochemicals that bear impression on the limbic system. When you inhale the scent of an oil, the brain releases various neurochemicals to create physiological changes in body, mind and spirit. When you smell lavender, for example, serotonin gets released, producing a calming influence in the body.
Pure essential oils are extracted directly from plant parts, including flowers, leaves, stems and roots, as well as the rind of their fruits. Outside of their direct healing properties these oils simply smell good, make us feel happier and serve as great stress and pain relievers. The easiest and most common way to benefit from their essence is through aromatherapy—placing a few drops of diluted oil directly on your skin and inhaling the aroma. (Note: always cut the essential oil with a base oil—see suggestions below.) Or you can add drops to your bath or to a special aromatherapy diffuser, which heats the oil and allows the smell to permeate the room. Choose from a multitude of oils, ranging from bergamot (Citrus bergamia), which has a balancing effect, to sandalwood (Santalum album), which is known for its sensuous properties.

So the next time you feel the drain and slug, take this
friendly advice- mend your mood with the smell of essential oils.

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Giving Honest Friendly Remarks

Friendster or Foe

Do you often struggle to give candid remarks to people? Or, do you always have the guts to give remarks to others honestly? They say that pretentious remarks are loud and easy while sincere comments are often kept secret or whispered subtly. Because real friendship is a silent relationship between individuals who value each other, honesty in opinions regarding your friends should be expressed in private or forever be silent. But there are risks in relationships. If you really value the other person, you have to somehow get your truth across.

Being truthful with your friends can be easier said than done at times. When you are confronted with a topic that could possibly end your friendship, you hustle between telling the truth and avoiding the truth to spare their feelings. Being straightforward with your friend becomes a tug of war of morals and salvaging what you are afraid to unveil. Here are some realistic approaches to overcome this dilemma:

Relationships are about levels of commitment or as they say in the business world your SLA (service level agreement). Remind your friends that you respect them enough to let them know the truth even if it hurts. Emphasize that your true friends tell you things you don't want to hear to save them the embarrassment of discovery from those who want to conspire against them. At times your friends will not take well your candor. Respect the way they perceive what you have to say to them and don't judge their response to you. Allow them to feel mad or upset or frustrated. Being a good friend is being honest and then being there for your friend when that honesty becomes a blow to his ego.

Keep in mind that honesty is the baseline for all healthy relationships because it gives rise to trust and trust eventually builds respect. At times it might be hard to tell your friend the truth, however if you phrase it in a manner that shows real concern and respect, you will most likely receive a warm positive feedback rather than a cold defensive response. Because people always seem to ask others about personal issues, sometimes being honest with them can come across as being mean. But if you want to help someone without being harsh you should read and try some of these tips. They will surely help your friend and also help keeping that friendship.
  • You should always be honest with your friend or partner at all times. This will help you gain trust with each other and will let the other know that you really care about each other.
  • Make sure you take into consideration the type of friend you are talking to when giving your opinion. If you know that he or she is sensitive about others opinions you should be careful about how you express yourself.
  • Always give the person CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Try not to be brash and give deconstructive opinions. If they just did a show or song and they want to hear your opinion always say something like, "That was good, it really was, but..." Never tell the person that it was downright awful or just try something different. Some call it tough love but it is really being down right mean.
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Monday, August 24, 2009

A Happiness Poem

If a happiness poem could bring forth a smile,
Then my face would always dress in style.

If my ears could hear my computer screen,
From one to another, they, too, would grin.

My keyboard types for my eyes not my tongue
This happiness poem will never be sung.

But what of my eyes? Don't they shine?
Yes, but not from this poem of mine.

The pen is mightier than the sword,
But a pen can write only words.

The feelings I sense and the senses I feel
For keyboard and screen remain far too real.

My ears and my nose remain at rest.
My cheeks and hairline are doing their best.

But if this happiness poem could make my mouth smile,
My face would forever dress up in style.

Author: David Leonhardt is author of a self-help happiness book. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant


Monday, August 17, 2009

Ask Yourself: How Do I Want To Live?

Here is the usual question we ask kids around us, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Of course you remember that question well. And the expected answers would be given: a nurse, a policeman, a scientist, a doctor, a President, an engineer, a businessman, superhero, etc. The fact is that people have varied exposures, interests and talents. Somebody may be just as contented being an architect as a teacher. But then, I suppose the better question to raise is "How do you want to live?" Do you want to live in a manor or a cottage? Do you want a sports car or mountain bike? Do you want to live in the metropolis, in the countryside, on a farm, on a high-rise condo? The consequence here is that you have to choose what you want to do by establishing your response on how you want to live your life. Generally, people do get hold of what they ask and work for. Actually, I just stumbled upon an old friend from high school who was my lab partner in biology. He wanted to be a podiatrist, which was great since I really didn't want to dissect that swine. He did everything. Guess what he's doing today? Okay, he's not a podiatrist, but he is a neuro-surgeon. He became a doctor nevertheless. My other friend always wanted to be in the construction and now he owns a very flourishing construction firm. The next one used to hang around internet cafes, now he is in the online business - a web developer and online marketer. Think backwards and you will most likely find out that most people, who pursued what they wanted, realized their aspirations. Therefore it's so crucial to have the right goals. Pursue dreams that will give you the future you want with your career. But do not forget something that's equally important - the quality of your off-time and family life as a man or a woman. If you really love helping people, teaching children, doing social work, or being a camp counselor, that's wonderful and grand! But if you, at the same time, want to live in a huge house by the shore, then you will be dissatisfied that the teacher salary isn't going to let you live in that manner. It's a blend of what you want to do and how you want to live. Pick one of the things that you love to do, that will pay for how you want to live. As you strive towards your dream, keep on asking yourself: How do I want to live my life? There's greener trend that draws your real aspirations to your best self.

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Friday, August 14, 2009

True friends are not dream-slashers

The secret to choosing the right friendships for you,
starts with a short friendship poem by The Happy Guy

Choose friends wisely, the portrait they paint
Is who you are and who you ain't.
Friendship is life's great support
When friends are of the right sort.
For all your dreams do they make room,
Or bring you down with doom and gloom?
You will know a friendship is true
When it brings out the best in you.

It's true. You can tell a person by the company she keeps. Our friendships not only tell a lot about who we are -- they make us who we are.The friendship poem above says it all. You will know a friendship is true when it brings out the best in you.

Take a look at your friends. Do they bring out the best in you? That might seem like a silly question. We all tend to think, "Of course they bring out the best in me. I wouldn't be friends with them otherwise."

But stop and think why you are friends. Here are a few common reasons why people become friends:
  • Common background, sharing a comfort level in company from "the same side of the tracks".
  • Common current situation, being able to discuss parenting, home renovations, or some other major life circumstance.
  • Common interest, such as cards, bowling, hunting, etc.
  • For shy people, a person who actually approached you is a candidate for friendship.
  • For leaders, somebody who seems content to follow is a likely candidate. Somebody you spend time with anyway, such as a colleague, sibling, etc, often becomes a friend.
  • Somebody you see frequently anyway, such as a neighbor, store clerk, etc, could become a friend.
These are just a few reasons people choose friends. It is the easy, natural way, but it is not always in our best interest. Sure, we should always want to get along with colleagues, neighbors, siblings, and anybody else.

But we should choose our friends, the people we open up to, very carefully. For instance, even a sibling can bring you down, pooh-pooh your dreams and load you up with negativity. "Ha! You think you can teach? What do you know about teaching?"

Even well-meaning friends can be dream-slashers. "Oh, do you really think you should go into business for yourself? I mean, what about security?"

On the other hand, some friends have a way of building up your dreams. "Go for it! You could really do well. And at worst, you'll at least have given it your best shot!"

Friends will often lend a hand. "Gee, I don't know much about fitness, but is there any way I can help you reach your goal?" Dream-slashers usually don't. "Hey, if you insist on pursuing this crazy scheme, leave me out of it."

A true friendship should:
  • Encourage you to live your dream.
  • Support you toward your goals.
  • Sympathize for your losses and help you find a silver lining.
  • Build your self-esteem.
If happiness and life-satisfaction are your goals, your friends should be chosen on the basis of how well they can accomplish those four goals. Happiness is a personal choice that comes from within. But, as my short friendship poem says, it sure doesn't hurt to have supportive friendships that help us achieve our goals.

Author: David Leonhardt is author of a self-help happiness book. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant


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Friday, August 7, 2009

Nurturing Self-Confidence

A lot of people lack coolness when dealing with other people... and for some, any structure of social situation can be awfully complicated. Social contact whether it be work-related or personal life can be stressful making you extremely uneasy and unable to function the way you usually do. For some reason, we don't always know what to say when we meet new people. It's therefore, explicable that you might lack confidence in your encounter with new people. Choosing to take control and take action is a key to renewing confidence. It doesn't have to be immense and chilling like parachuting or white water rafting; small steps on a regular basis will have a major positive impact on your life.

Take a deep breath or a number of deep breaths. This will help calm you down and think about the situation before you react so you won't react in a way that you will regret later. It also gives you a moment to think about how you would like to proceed next when you are in a stressful situation. It will also help your heart and blood pressure slow down. I then feel more confident, happier, relaxed and better able to cope with the situation at hand.

Bring companions when you have to meet new people. You will probably feel much better about meeting them if you have a friendly face beside you, because you already know that your friend knows and likes you for who you are, so it softens the potential blow of being rejected by these new people. With a friend by your side, it doesn't matter what these new people are like; you will still have at least some support.

Be with people who make you feel good and appreciate you - minimize the time you spend with those who pick on your faults and weaknesses. Building self-confidence also means taking care of you. Identify activities which make you feel good; i.e. time out for coffee, a long walk, a round of golf. Then make time to make it happen.

Tackle small risks each day - do something which you wouldn't normally do. Visit a cybercafe shop or go to see a film on your own, try out a new recipe or speak to someone in a supermarket queue. These small, positive actions will build your confidence

Write a personal journal or weblog. You can write anything you want in them. You can write down the different things that happen to you throughout the day. You can write about the things that you are grateful for and that you accomplished. You can write down inspirationally quotes or favorite sayings. You can write whatever you want. I personally like to write down things that I accomplished like a success journal. I also like to write down inspirational quotes that will make my life better, motivate me when I am in a rut, or things that make me feel happier and more self confident. Lastly, I like to write down the things that I am grateful for.

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Friendship with Your Ex – Does It Work?

When a romance crumbles, it sucks. But after the painful knock down, you stand up and come to your senses, realizing that you may be better off without the guy/gal. However, you have known each other so well and both of you may not be ready to relinquish that friendship. Or maybe, the man or woman or both is secretly wishing for a reawakening.

Well, there has to be some way to maintain wholesome friendship with someone who was once romantically linked with you. Those who were able patch things up as friends gave these pointers to consider:

Be honest with your feelings -- and make sure he/she is, too. Becoming just friends with an ex is a knotty situation, particularly when one of you is still carrying a torch for the lost love. If one person can't abandon the old feelings they have for the other, whether it's love, hatred, jealousy, resentment or lust, you run into a problem when trying to stay friends. Even if you're able to get along after you break up, the friendship itself is not true and genuine because of those leftover feelings.

Reflect on the reasons and manner of your breakup.
Sometimes you can be friends -- in the long run. But when the gash of a hostile clash, double-cross or cold-hearted dumping is still fresh, the very last thing you could do with is to attempt to be pleasant to the perpetrator. And if you're the one who broke a heart, don't look forward to her/him to want to hang around with you as friends. If it didn't end up in a melodramatic fashion, the friendship can often rekindle somewhat soon.

Discern your motives for friendship.
It's essential to ponder on the pros and cons of this friendship actually working. Sometimes the motivation for friendship isn't really healthy: You want some kind of justification for all the years you spent with the relationship, or you think lessen the guilt about moving on, or you're still fixated on him/her. Maybe it is better to let go of the memory altogether than work on a friendship that will hold you back later.

Sometimes, you can remain civil and friendly, but being friends in the long run just doesn't work. Somewhere down the road both of you will end up in a new connection. When you have had an intimate relationship with a person, the boundaries of the friend zone have been breached and you can't just go back to pretending like you were never lovers, which isn't fair to your new love, in case.


Share your experience: Do you think it's possible to maintain a friendship with an ex? Have you tried it? How did it work out? Does financial status play a role? Does shopping help you totally forget the idea? Shed some light and share your encounter…


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Sunday, July 19, 2009

5 Tips on Fostering Curative Love

The revitalizing and healing properties of true love can only be figured out through a first-hand experience of the splendor and flash of falling in love. Real love puts elating bounce in your steps and that seemingly eternal radiant smile on your face. For most lovers, the sight of their beloved fills their heart with peace and warmth. Regardless of the time spent together, two people can truly be soulmates. Just one of those warm embraces can melt away the stress and tension of a day and invigorate a person in love almost instantaneously.

Maybe I’m the last of the romantics. But I believe that love really makes the world go ’round. Perhaps or for certain, most of the world’s problems are set off by lack of love, either toward somebody or within, toward oneself. The intrinsic connection
between emotional pain and illness have been researched by leading mind-body researchers and physicians such as Dr. Ornish who in his book, Love and Survival, says, “I am not aware of any other factor in medicine that has a greater impact on our survival than the healing power of love and intimacy. It is not diet, not smoking, not exercises, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery.” In a study of heart-disease patients who were unmarried or had no significant confidant in their lives, there was a 300 percent increase in mortality compared to those who had a spouse or close friend to turn to for support. That, however, doesn’t indicate that if you are single and a loner you’ll have a heart disease, nor does it suggest that if you are married, your heart is out of harm's way. It does confirm the power of intimate relationships and love between people, whether those people are spouses, partners, friends, family, or confidantes. It also doesn’t imply that you can eat whatever you desire and disregard exercising. Love has the strongest curative properties when it counts healthy eating and fitness as its allies.

Love can be the most powerful force in the universe. It is a fundamentally relevant element of human life that is as ambiguous as there number of people, men and women, who tread its road. But it wouldn’t be too much, I suppose, if I say it is everything. Whether it is between two people or about learning to love oneself, love has the power to transform ugliness into the purest essence of beauty. It also has the power to recharge, revitalize, and transform people into better versions of themselves. Now, here are 5 tips to foster that curative love:
  • Learn to love yourself and reach out to others. This may take time and practice. Be creative and recognize what you really need. Protecting your heart from pain only serves to build walls around it and makes it more vulnerable to heart disease. Reach out to others.
  • Forgive yourself and forgive others. This is certainly easier said than done. It takes practice of knowing your limitations and a lot of soul-searching. Holding onto grudges only serves to hurt you. Write out your grievances and destroy the paper. Alternatively, paint, sculpt, or draw to express your feelings so you can be free from them.
  • Nurture a spiritual practice and nurture your relationships. Recognizing yourself as a spiritual being with a human existence can help you to feel more connected to the world and other people. It can also help you establish greater meaning in your life. Don’t be afraid to do something nice to the ones you care for. Call someone just to say “I love you,” take some homemade soup to someone who hasn’t been feeling well, invite a neighbor over for an herbal tea, give an unexpected card…the list of possibilities is endless.
  • Find things to appreciate in your life and stop to smell the roses. You may write daily in your “gratitude journal” about all the things you were grateful for. Share to others that day’s entry about being grateful for meeting someone. As you approach your own life with a positive attitude, you also put a smile on someone’s face too. Do not hurry, slow down. In this fast-paced world where tome is gold, this usually requires effort but this can be done. If you make your work the first priority…it will manifest in your health. Flip things around, put your health up top and make time to enjoy the simple things in life like flowers, friendships, beautiful music, or a bubble bath.
  • Love your body by treating it well and let people know how you feel about them. Unhealthy habits and attitudes demonstrate a lack of love for oneself. If you love your body feed it nourishing food. Exercise and practice meditation or deep breathing. If you don’t love your body or aren’t sure if you do, turn to other people. Sure, your husband, wife, child, parents or friends may know you care for them and yourself, but I’m sure hearing about it would do wonders. Muster some courage and express your loving thoughts and feelings. It gets easier with time.

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

RSVP - Where have all the manners gone?

Several decades ago in a far past culture, ladies and gentlemen adhered to a set of behavioral protocols known as etiquette. Ladies curtsied; men bowed. Ladies called in the afternoon to pay neighborly respects to one another and drink tea. Gentlemen dipped their fingers in little bowls of water between courses of moist and juicy food. The rules of etiquette served to keep people friendly and respectful of one another in daily life.

Modern culture, just like acid eating metal, puts individual interests and desires ahead of outgoing concern for other people. Soon the habits of good manners are no longer taught and become forgotten altogether.

Etiquette, or manners, today is jeered at for being selective, pretentious and inconsistent. It's true that most people no longer use finger bowls at nightly family dinners, but the basic purpose of good manners survives: Doing to others what you would have them do unto you!

Urgent Situation on RSVP

How do we get the reduced, banished remnants of etiquette back to the mainstream of society? Let's begin with a definite exercise in basic manners that everyone will be able to fulfill: the lost art of RSVP! As a way to help make your friendships last, put into practice this important aspect of etiquette.

Such strange collection of letters is normally seen at the bottom of a written (e-mail or paper letter) invitation to a special event. It is a holdover from the days when French was the universal language instead of English. RSVP stands for répondez s'il vous plaît, which is French for "please respond."

All that is required is that you respond to the person who invited you as to whether you will be able to attend the event or not. This can be done by returning the card enclosed with the invitation, by a phone call or by a note of your own. Electronic invitations are more simplified; click on a respond button at the invitation Web site or send an e-mail.

RSVP also means that the person requesting it desires an accurate count of who will be attending his or her function. By answering promptly, you are being respectful and helpful to those who organize the activity, which will allow for better planning. Good manners are beneficial to others and also to each of us. Of course, be careful with whom you will be with – he or she might not be invited or counted.

Stationery etiquette

Receiving and sending e-mails is fast, fun and practical, but writing a note on paper or in a card in your own handwriting means more. It communicates to recipient that you respect him or her enough to take the time and effort to sit down, choose a card or paper, think about the person who invited you, come up with a message and write it in your own hand. In this way you have given more of yourself and your time than it would have taken to click out a message on the keyboard. Therefore, it is more personal.

Therefore, the next time you receive an invitation to a wedding, party, shower, formal dinner or picnic, and you see RSVP, respond promptly. If you have extra time, do it by a handwritten note to show that you appreciate and respect your friends.


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Sunday, May 3, 2009

What Makes Men Fall in Love with You

Are there some particular moments, situations or events that make a guy unexpectedly fix on "Yes, I love her"? Oh, the answer is ambiguous, although there are some wide-ranging principles. Men have certain inherent wants that must be attended to prior to having a real connection with woman like you. When a guy concedes, knowingly or not, that you're perfect on all these levels, that's when he'll hand over.

Men have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes satisfied by your tiniest moves. When your guy is at the brink, these little things would tip him over that edge.

Seek Protection
Keeping you from harm makes him feel completely a man, which makes him feel good. Without acting helpless, allowing him see your vulnerable side will draw him closer because it unchains his instinct to take care of you. So give him opportunities to take command, and thank him well afterwards. These little things can draw out his hero side.

Offer him a job
Request him to fix or build you something. Carrying out concrete tasks is a way of bonding that boosts his sense of success.

Ask for his views
Seek his opinions, whether it's about your insurance options or the top travel destinations. It sends a message that you highly value his brain as much as his brawn.

Put on soft materials
Subtle textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur set off a deep reaction in single men. These fabrics highlight your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his passionate or romantic impulses.

Wear his clothes
It confirms that you've selected him over other guys.

Let him be
Even expressively strong single men yearn for guarantee that their individuality will hang about after they've developed into half a happy couple. By making it apparent that you don't expect some transformation, he'll feel like you really understand him and won't bully his sense of self. That leaves him enough ground to commit.

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

5 Principles of Success


So many people share their own secrets regarding their achievements in life. Human triumph often defines principles or theories that govern such realizations. Here are five of the many effective strategies that can unlock greater consciousness for your success. These are silent laws that are fundamental to your success through all the years of your life . . . as they guide you upward and onward to higher achievements.

The law of control.
You must take the helm and be in control in every situation and at every moment. Make no mistake, either you are controlling the situation or someone else is. In today’s world, you are constantly bombarded by negative, influential forces that threaten your way of life. For your future’s sake and that of your loved ones, you cannot afford to let your guard down. There are forces that would purposely influence your way of thinking and how you react to any process. How well you are able to grasp control and stay in control of external stimulations indicates how intuitive you are.
In every situation, someone has to take control. No action can exist without someone assuming the position of overseer. You have to take responsibility and become the driving force behind the mission. In the mind of others, it is your insight, your grasp of the situation that becomes the motivation for achievement. Be in control of the forces that affect you. When dramatic changes come in your life, analyze the situation and be aware of the possibilities before making a decision. Stay in control, it’s your destiny. Don’t let someone else plot your destiny for you.

The law of observance
Always be responsive of everything that is going on around you, pay attention, be aware of the possibilities. Take note of what is not happening as well as what is. Don’t make rash judgments; be certain before you act.

The law of value
As a business owner how valuable are you to your employees and customers? If hard times beset you, would your employees and customers abandon you? Make sure to maintain an honest and reliable relationship with those around you.

The law of integrity
Certain qualities of character are unique to a true leader.. A true leader can be trusted for his/her word is as good as gold. You can take what he/she says to the bank because you know they stand behind it. Integrity is from the heart of good people. It represents quality, honesty, high morals, truth, and trust. It is the only quality in a person that they have to voluntarily give up. No one can take it from you; you have to make a choice to damage your own integrity. Once you have given up your integrity, you can never get it back. What value do you place upon your integrity?

The law of Development
Most everyone desires to be the best at what they do but few accomplish it. Why? Distractions, loss of drive, compliancy, and many other things undermine people’s ability to achieve. Even though humans are born of excellence, he/she rapidly becomes victim to worldly points of view. I can is replaced with I can’t, I will is replaced I won’t and so on. The trials of life create despair in the mind and clouds thinking. The world becomes a battleground for the senses causing a distorted perception. The world point of view is captivating and self destructive. The mind thinks it can’t be any better than it already is, yet we know the laws of development can and does elevate a person from failure to success. Success is a God trait inherent in mankind while failure is embracing the inconsistencies of the world order. Man, in his own right, can be anything he desires to be. From Janitor to President, man is what he aspires to be, what he/she has a passion for. You must elevate yourself above the temptations of the world. Be diligent, forthright and mature in your thinking, and always remember, each thought can potentially affect your quality of existence.

Monday, December 1, 2008

PHILIPPINE HUMAN RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT TOWARDS GREATER CONTRIBUTION FOR AND PARTICIPATION IN A U-WORLD REALIZATION


I INTRODUCTION


In the last twenty years, the Philippines has gained some good progress in poverty alleviation. However, compared to other countries in the region, the Philippines somehow lags behind. The Filipino vision remains uncertain as many aspects of economic and social life are severely affected by political bickering, fiscal crisis, crime and corruption, ineffective educational system, human resource exploitation/exportation, moral and cultural degradation, health and environmental callousness, globalization and liberalization issues, as well as the lack of common awareness of and grassroots involvement on the national goal.


Despite our achievements in terms of our highly educated and skilled workforce, the Philippines has been continually failing to capture the national benefits of education—productivity growth and social development—an outcome with significant implications for the development of our human resources. This plan of action delves into national human resource development in the Philippines. It considers how this specific context and concomitant challenges can be used to direct national human resource development to improve the country’s competitiveness in the global market and eventually set our significant contribution in the realization of an Ubiquitous-World. The very high potential of our human resources calls for an institutionalized awakening of the Filipino spirit and resolve to carve a good image globally within the framework U-Living.


II SWOT ANALYSIS OF THE PHILIPPINE HUMAN RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT SYSTEM


The system of human resource development (HRD) in the Philippines has been independently embedded in each organizational units. Many institutions in government, business, and civil society have an inkling of human resource development. They have set up HRD units or departments. But the very use of the term, HRD, belies the lack of understanding of what it will really take to help draw out the tremendous potential of Ubiquitous Technology that lies in each and every one of us. Unlike in other countries where a unified national framework oversees the direction of HRD, human resource development in the Philippines seem to lack the cohesive strength of a national structure and environment to design and implement viable programs and reforms. The table below presents in tabular form a simple analysis of the essential circumstances that set the profile of the current Philippine HRD.


STRENGTHS:



  • The presence of world-class training institutions in the country such as IRRI, CLSU, UP, Ateneo, La Salle, etc... which could provide training excellence to Filipinos.


  • The recognized expertise of Filipino programmers and It professionals who rank among the best in the world...


  • The growing awareness and attachment of Filipinos, especially the young generation, to internet-based or computer-based operations in education, business, communication, industry, etc.


  • The existence of several key government organizations or sectors involved in the e-communication development in the country, namely<>


  • The continuous effort of government agencies such as DOLE, TESDA, CHED and DepEd to upgrade the quality and make relevant/competitive basic education, vocational training, professional education as well as lifelong learning for Filipinos including those from the rural areas.


  • The openness and adaptability of Filipinos and our educational system to modern challenges and new requirements of businesses, industries and services both locally and globally.


  • Recent growth in the Philippines has been impressive. It has been the highest in three decades and has gained momentum over the last three years. This trend promises greater ….

WEAKNESSES:




  • Financial resources from the national and local government as well as from donors are limited. ICT related expenditures comprise a very minimal percentage of the key government agencies involved in ICT development. The limited funding restricts the development of necessary infrastructure facilities and efforts to promote ICT in the local levels.


  • The several organizations involved in the development of ICT, e.g., DOTC, TESDA and DOST (NCC, PCHRD), do not have well-defined area of responsibilities. which results in fragmented and selective development of ICTs in areas outside Metro Manila. This also slows down the appetite of the private sector and NGOs in pursuing active participation in ICT development in the country and in the overlapping of benefits.


  • The digital infrastructure is present but the country, being an archipelago, makes the provision of digital access in rural, remote and un-served areas, complex. In addition, telephone and Internet services are concentrated in urban areas because of affordability problems of those in the rural areas. In general, IT facilities are still inaccessible to people living in rural areas since they still have to travel long distance to avail of long distance telephone service, Internet access and e-learning among others.


  • The necessary information may not be available. For instance, necessary agriculture or trade data must be put in place to make the ICT useful in spurring developments at the local level. There is more room for improvement for the Price-Watch web site from the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) and the Bantay Presyo (Price-Watch) of the Department of Agriculture (DA) to commensurate with the needs of farmers and fishermen.


  • Philippines’ growth trend has improved but has been led largely by private consumption spending which in turn is heavily dependent on remittances of overseas workers. Despite strong GDP growth, there has been continued sluggishness in investments and manufacturing. The Philippines has not attracted its potential share of foreign investments, notwithstanding overall positive macroeconomic performance. The key constraints to the country’s competitiveness include: (i) inadequate infrastructure; (ii) weak human resource base due to inadequate investment in health and education; (iii) urban-based policies and public investments resulting in the narrow-based growth; and (iv) lack of competition in some sectors(from oligarchic power structures, regulatory capture, and restrictions on foreign participation).


  • The Philippines’ allocation for ICT and social services is low in comparison with international benchmarks

OPPORTUNITIES:




  • The growing demand for Filipino workers abroad due to their work commitment and language advantage.


  • The expansive strategies of industrialized economies to reach out and help in the development of emerging economies like the Philippines as a way of opening new markets for their technologies, products and ideas as and ensuring future arrangements for mutual coexistence in a world where barriers are gone with U-technologies.

THREATS:




  • Corruption in the government and its implementing agencies... Individual integrity, commitment and leadership come out, again and again, in all the issues regarding our nation’s development.


  • The declining quality of teachers, experts, professional, government officials, and so on who should be at the forefront of ICT promotion and e-learning establishment
    Due to the limited educational level of the potential users at the local communities they are resistant to learn new technologies. This is particularly true to those living in the truly remote areas or lower class municipalities.


  • Worsening peace and order situation in Mindanao and in other areas as well as the unchecked crime rate in the urban areas and in other potential areas of development.

III ACTION PLAN


A. Goals and Objectives:


This action plan draws the necessary framework and series of activities that are expected to revitalize the nation’s goal of modernizing the development of human resources within the context of new technologies. The proposed project strongly recognizes and recommends the effective deployment of e-learning infrastructure as a requirement for the consequent dissemination of relevant information, effectual exposure and quality training/learning of people in almost all levels towards the attainment of an ubiquitous world. The main goal is the strengthening of the Filipino society through proper quality education, socio-technological infrastructure provision, and effective reach-out programs to rural communities and even remote potential areas.


From the main goal and fostering on the present Philippine HRD strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats, stems the following specific objectives for this project, namely:




  • delineate and reinforce the roles of different government agencies and NGOs involved in developing e-learning programs, e-communication infrastructure, and ICT education and skills training;


  • fast track the deployment and expansion of ICT or e-communication/learning infrastructures within international standards across the archipelago spanning the unserved /undeserved areas as a way of realizing universal access at very affordable cost;
    strengthen the culture of excellence in significant areas of Philippine society such as governance, education and training, social services, and local employment;


  • redirect social awareness, appreciation and partaking in e-learning technologies down to local communities and grassroots level;


  • harmonize the roles and participation of public and private sectors in ICT development vis-เ-vis the growing concerns for overseas communication, mobile communication, service automation, and access to relevant information and research data.

B. TASKS TO BE UNDERTAKEN


To achieve the above-mentioned goals and objectives, the following activities should be implemented, as follows:




  • Conduct of survey or research on the actual status and requirements for human resource development of the country towards the realization of a U-World and present accurate information and appropriate recommendation to concerned agency (or agencies). This includes identification of municipalities still wanting the necessary ICT infrastructure facilities, including the appropriate infrastructure facilities/technology necessary or applicable;


  • Harmonization of the roles and responsibilities of the various national government agencies and non-governmental organizations involved in e-learning programs, e-communication infrastructure, and ICT education and skills training without the need for legislation; Identification of interim actions on issues whose final solutions would necessitate legislation;


  • Identification of strategically located pilot sites of U-Community Centres (UCCs) for every province as well as the hardware, software, peopleware and organizational requirements of these pilot sites;


  • Deployment of necessary ICT infrastructure and tapping of highly qualified professionals and managers (locally and internationally) for the proposed project;


  • Provision for effective extensive information dissemination/appreciation, skills training/upgrading and lifelong u-learning;


  • Monitoring and upholding of all the proposed HRD tasks against the drawback of corruption, lack of funds, crime and violence, and natural calamities.

C. SCHEDULE AND TIME-FRAME


Considering the current Philippine HRD status which features the shortage of ICT infrastructure, socio-economic slump, generally poor quality education and skills training, lack of priority funding for e-communication/e-learning, and the absence of a unified national framework to harmonize NGA and NGO roles and responsibilities, a five-year development plan is the initial span to cover the attainment of this project. However, the enhancement recommendation based on the survey or research to be conducted prior to the other tasks shall be considered with the particular schedule details eventually laid down.


D. COST ESTIMATES AND FINANCIAL PLAN : $10 billion

Item Gov’t Donors Total Cost
1. Consultants
a. International Consultants 0.50 1.25 1.75
b. Local Consultants 0.75 0.25 1.00
2. Equipment and Software
a. Equipment/hardware 3. 50 5.00 8.50
b. Software 0.75 1.25 2.00
3. Facilities
a. Buildings/Roads 4.00 3.00 7.00
b. Furniture/Fixtures 0.75 0.00 0.75
4. Training, Seminars, and Conferences 0.75 0.50 1.25
5. Research, Development, and Surveys 0.25 0.25 0.50
6. Miscellaneous Admini &Support Costs 0.20 0.00 0.20
7. Contingencies 0.00 0.30 0.30


E. Viability and Expected Impact


The success of this project shall have a high impact on the socio-economic conditions in local Filipino communities. The offshoot will be better educated human resources, new and higher-level jobs, faster and wide access to information and communications, improvement on the quality of education and training, greater social collaboration, and greater potential for our human resources. Beyond local impact would be the Filipino society’s significant contribution and participation in the realization of U-World.


IV CONCLUSION

Human Resource Development is an intertwined effort of society, its organizations, resources and people, and the international community. One country cannot succeed without the assistance and model of progressive nations. Our target to achieve a more efficient and effective society calls for social collaboration and mutual cooperation. These are the ideals for an ubiquitous world…

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Befriend Yourself - The Centering Meditation


Centering is active meditation. Within you is a space that is always calm and at peace and is referred to as your "calm center". Being centered means staying peacefully calm amidst the frenzy of daily life. Centering is not allowing your inner glow to be eclipsed by stressful circumstances or negative thoughts, emotions and events.

A centered individual is in a state of clarity, focus, peace, and balance. When you are not centered, you are uncertain, unfocussed, stressed, and off balance.

A good centering method will necessitate merely nominal attention, allowing you to direct some of your attention on the activity at hand. Here are some very easy, effective centering techniques.

1. Simple Breath Responsiveness
While involved in whatever you are doing, bring some attention to your breathing for just a few moments... it needn't be your full attention... just enough to bring you back to your calm center. Breathe naturally, or perhaps just a little more slowly and deeply.
2. Regain Your Energy
When you are feeling stressed and scattered, take several slow, deep breaths. With each in-breath, imagine you are pulling all of your scattered energy and attention back to your inner self... your calm center.
3. Letting Go
This centering technique combines breath awareness with the phrase or mantra, "Let go." It is especially helpful when you are tense and/or fixating on a stressful situation or a negative thought or emotion.
As you inhale, (silently or aloud) say, "Let"
As you exhale, say "go"... while letting go of all that is stressing you.
4. Central Energy
Imagine a bright sun filling your heart chakra... the calm, subtle energy field that permeates your chest area. Imagine that sun gently emanating peace and joy throughout your entire being.

Now, try it with the meditative statements below:

Breathe in deeply all the possibilities that lie before you, and breathe out softly, any perceived encumbrances, trials or tribulations.

Breathe in completely all the guidance and support that awaits you, and breathe out gently all that no longer serves you in any way.

Breathe in fully all the freshness that sustains and nourishes you, and breathe out calmly all that has become weary and too difficult to hold.

Just let it all go, let it melt away, dissolve, disappear.

You are here now, in this moment, which unfolds before you like a flower.

And like a flower, nothing is asked of you, but that you be real, authentic, true.

And like a flower, nothing is required of you, but that you be fully present, deeply alive and profoundly aware of life all around you.

And like a flower, nothing is demanded of you, but that you be open, willing, daring, conscious.

May your day be blessed with the gifts of insight, understanding, compassion and a deep inner knowing.

May the light shine for you on those places you have hidden from view, your own or others, so that you may see, feel and know, perhaps for the very first time, the deepest truth of who you really are and why you came here.

May the grandest mysteries of life beckon to you, and may you yield to their advances and surrender to their affections.

May you ask of life that it take from you whatever it may, so that your place here has purpose and your journey be not in vain.

May you take the time to cease the inner chatter and feel the stillness in your own soul, and in that stillness may you see with new eyes, the perfection in each person and the gifts they lay before you at your feet. And may you gladly embrace those gifts and take them into your gentle and opening heart.

Your time alone is sacred, as is every moment lived from a conscious place.

May you be accompanied by Angels, precious beings from all places and times holy, and seen and unseen friends, who quietly rejoice along side of you in your awakening, those beings who want only the best for you and see you in your splendor, even when you do not.

And when you are done with this moment, may you enfold it in love and send it out into the world where it will uplift the planet, touching each person in a profound yet almost imperceptible way, like a butterfly alights upon a flower, aware of something forever changed.

For every time you breathe a little lighter, the world is lighter and the healing begins for all of us, not just for one of us, but for all of us.

When you have the courage to awaken, you do it for everyone, because you are everyone.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Fighting Right at Every Stage of Love Quarrel

Such unavoidable scuffles you have with your man don’t have to set off turmoil in the relationship. In effect, when dealt with appropriately, quarrels can help you better understand and value each other. Yap, I’m serious!

Clashes with your man are not amusing, but they’re inevitable. And when they come, you may be bothered that the loving bond you’ve established in your relationship will somehow begin to grind down. I don’t think so, fighting is a necessary ingredient for intimacy. It proves that you have invested that much to want to hash something out instead of just writing each other off.

Twisted as it looks, disagreements can in fact deliver an opportunity for you and your guy to grow closer — if you handle them constructively instead of allowing them devolve into huge, repulsive nosh-ups. It takes emotional intelligence to take the anger out of an issue and talk about it productively, and many people don’t learn those skills growing up. . On the following pages, top communication, relationship, and conflict-resolution experts provide their best pieces of advice on how to avoid common quarreling pitfalls, plus crucial strategies for fighting right at every stage of a love quarrel.

PRELIMINARIES: ESCALATING MOVES

E-mailing your grievances. If you’ve been stewing over something your guy said or did, it’s tempting to fire off a bitchy e-mail or IM detailing your issues. But by doing that, you run the risk of blindsiding your guy — remember, he may be clueless to the fact that you’re upset.

Trapping him. It’s important to pick a good time to air your gripe. So if your boyfriend thinks he’s coming home to spend the night vegging on the couch and instead you rip into him the second he walks in the door about how badly he behaved in front of your friends last Friday, you’re setting him — and yourself — up. At best, he’ll offer a stunned, knee-jerk response that will likely upset you more. If you’re not both in a frame of mind to discuss the issue, nothing will get solved.

PRELIMINARIES: BONDING MOVES

Identify the real problem. Say you’re seething because he didn’t RSVP to his friend’s party on your behalf. Before you read him the riot act, spend time reflecting — maybe you feel left out of his social circle or you have concerns about his lack of responsibility or etiquette. Fighting is often about something much deeper than the surface issue. Freaking out about a specific instance (the RSVP debacle) won’t improve communication. But if you can identify what’s really bothering you, he can work on that bigger issue.

Settle evenly. Guys are biologically engineered to avoid screechy female tones...or so you’d think. Meaning, if you want him to stay in the room long enough to hear you out, you have to calm your butt down. What I suggest is taking two breaths into your belly and thinking of something good in your life so your nervous system relaxes. Taking that moment will help you remain kind, which in turn will get him to see how committed you are to finding a sane solution.

FOR THE DURATION: ESCALATING MOVES

Confining your comments. The tiff started when he came home late, but since you’re riled up, you also bring up how sexist his friends are and how selfish he is to watch TV when you’re having a bad day. Confine your discussion to one incident. Snowballing your complaints confuses both of you about what the real issue is. Keeping focused lets you resolve the argument at hand instead of creating new ones.

Avoiding repetitions. If he doesn’t seem to get why you’re so peeved through his thick skull, keep hammering it home, right? Wrong. Anytime one of you repeats yourself, it means the other person has stopped listening and put on their mental mute button. At this point, productivity is at a standstill.

Filthy shots. Sarcasm and name-calling are cheap shots. It takes maturity to stay even-keeled.

FOR THE DURATION: BONDING MOVES

Saying instead of blaming. It sounds psychobabbly, but it really works and makes people less defensive. Try it: “You don’t do any chores, so I did the dishes again!” sounds blamey, while “I feel like I’m left with an unfair share of housework, such as the dishes. What do you think about that?” suddenly opens things up for a legit discussion.

Inquiring. As your guy spells out his side, get details: “When did you first notice this?” or “What would you like me to do next time?” This shows him that you’re listening, and guys respond well when they feel respected.

Taking time-off. If things get ugly, say “I’m too upset to talk rationally. Can we revisit this tomorrow/after I work out/in an hour or so?” When you think of a fight as a talk, not a blowout, it takes the fear out of it. You both become more optimistic about handling it.

FINISHING OFF: ESCALATING MOVES

Obliging. Not all arguments can be resolved in one sitting. So while you might want to slog out the details right away, your guy may be over it — at least for the night. People in conflict have different styles of settling things and need different amounts of time to process what’s been said, and all of them are valid. As long as you’ve said your piece and feel heard, be willing to compromise with how your partner wants to handle the situation.

Requiring a perfect act of contrition. When we’re mad, our reptilian brain kicks in and wants our opponent to grovel and apologize. It’s crucial to let your frontal lobe take control and remind you that it’s the big picture — harmony — that’s important. So if he said he was sorry, take it at face value instead of holding out for him to say it the “right” way.

FINISHING OFF: BONDING MOVES

Get going. Once you’ve heard the outcome you were after (an apology, a promise to try harder, an explanation of why he feels that way, etc.), any further fighting is self-indulgent. Be willing to stop when you reach your goal. Move on

Clearing it out verbally. When you come to an agreement on something that needs to change, verbalize the specifics so you both know what to expect. For example, “In the future, if I’m going to be working past 8, I’ll call you. That way, you don’t misunderstand and wind up bickering again about the same thing.

Signing in prior to sign out. Before you walk away, say that as far as you’re concerned, the issue is resolved, then ask him if he feels the same. It conveys concern for your mate’s point of view.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: DIVIDING MOVES

Keeping a chip on your shoulder. Some people blow the memory of a dispute way out of proportion. But by nurturing a grudge and holding on to your anger, you hurt for far longer than you need to.

Referencing the brawl. Making cracks about your fight-night drama in front of other people — even as a joke — erodes trust. It escalates his defensiveness, both on that topic and the next one you have an argument about. Just the mention of a sore subject in front of a third party can make him feel like he’s being attacked or belittled.

Clamoring for the final word. Say you let things go at the time, but you just thought of a great point to make or something clever you should’ve said. So you toss a pointed comment over dinner or send an e-mail “clarifying” your point of view. These actions only re-engage the entire tussle and leave him wondering if he can trust that you’re telling the truth the next time you say you’ve made peace with the matter.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: UNITING MOVES

Spotlighting his finest traits. After a draining debate, spend some time dwelling on what you love about your guy — even the smallest, stupidest things, like how he always restocks the cookies when they’re running low. Contemplating your partner’s good points puts him in a more positive light in your mind, and it helps balance the stuff that’s irritating about him.

Sending a nice note/e-mail. No need to rehash the events, but bouncing him a “Thanks for talking that over” or “Again, I’m sorry, and I love you” can go a long way toward rebuilding goodwill. When you give these interpersonal gifts, the natural instinct on his part is to give you one in return at some point. It’s a gesture that only benefits the relationship.

Caressing him. A reassuring hug or back scratch can be all it takes to transmit to your guy (who’s naturally less verbal) that you’re still a tight couple. These touches are all about reassuring him and expressing your love — directly and indirectly. They say, ‘Yes, I can be angry and still love you.’” And, hey, if it leads to make-up sex, so be it. There’s a reason that variety of nooky has such a hot reputation.