5 Tips on Fostering Curative Love

The revitalizing and healing properties of true love can only be figured out through a first-hand experience of the splendor and flash of falling in love. Real love puts elating bounce in your steps and that seemingly eternal radiant smile on your face. For most lovers, the sight of their beloved fills their heart with peace and warmth. Regardless of the time spent together, two people can truly be soulmates. Just one of those warm embraces can melt away the stress and tension of a day and invigorate a person in love almost instantaneously.

Maybe I’m the last of the romantics. But I believe that love really makes the world go ’round. Perhaps or for certain, most of the world’s problems are set off by lack of love, either toward somebody or within, toward oneself. The intrinsic connection between emotional pain and illness have been researched by leading mind-body researchers and physicians such as Dr. Ornish who in his book, Love and Survival, says, “I am not aware of any other factor in medicine that has a greater impact on our survival than the healing power of love and intimacy. It is not diet, not smoking, not exercises, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery.” In a study of heart-disease patients who were unmarried or had no significant confidant in their lives, there was a 300 percent increase in mortality compared to those who had a spouse or close friend to turn to for support. That, however, doesn’t indicate that if you are single and a loner you’ll have a heart disease, nor does it suggest that if you are married, your heart is out of harm's way. It does confirm the power of intimate relationships and love between people, whether those people are spouses, partners, friends, family, or confidantes. It also doesn’t imply that you can eat whatever you desire and disregard exercising. Love has the strongest curative properties when it counts healthy eating and fitness as its allies.

Love can be the most powerful force in the universe. It is a fundamentally relevant element of human life that is as ambiguous as there number of people, men and women, who tread its road. But it wouldn’t be too much, I suppose, if I say it is everything. Whether it is between two people or about learning to love oneself, love has the power to transform ugliness into the purest essence of beauty. It also has the power to recharge, revitalize, and transform people into better versions of themselves. Now, here are 5 tips to foster that curative love:

• Learn to love yourself and reach out to others. This may take time and practice. Be creative and recognize what you really need. Protecting your heart from pain only serves to build walls around it and makes it more vulnerable to heart disease. Reach out to others.
• Forgive yourself and forgive others. This is certainly easier said than done. It takes practice of knowing your limitations and a lot of soul-searching. Holding onto grudges only serves to hurt you. Write out your grievances and destroy the paper. Alternatively, paint, sculpt, or draw to express your feelings so you can be free from them.
• Nurture a spiritual practice and nurture your relationships. Recognizing yourself as a spiritual being with a human existence can help you to feel more connected to the world and other people. It can also help you establish greater meaning in your life. Don’t be afraid to do something nice to the ones you care for. Call someone just to say “I love you,” take some homemade soup to someone who hasn’t been feeling well, invite a neighbor over for an herbal tea, give an unexpected card…the list of possibilities is endless.
• Find things to appreciate in your life and stop to smell the roses. You may write daily in your “gratitude journal” about all the things you were grateful for. Share to others that day’s entry about being grateful for meeting someone. As you approach your own life with a positive attitude, you also put a smile on someone’s face too. Do not hurry, slow down. In this fast-paced world where tome is gold, this usually requires effort but this can be done. If you make your work the first priority…it will manifest in your health. Flip things around, put your health up top and make time to enjoy the simple things in life like flowers, friendships, beautiful music, or a bubble bath.
• Love your body by treating it well and let people know how you feel about them. Unhealthy habits and attitudes demonstrate a lack of love for oneself. If you love your body feed it nourishing food. Exercise and practice meditation or deep breathing. If you don’t love your body or aren’t sure if you do, turn to other people. Sure, your husband, wife, child, parents or friends may know you care for them and yourself, but I’m sure hearing about it would do wonders. Muster some courage and express your loving thoughts and feelings. It gets easier with time.

Related articles

• Vision for our healthcare (junkfoodscience.blogspot.com)
• Exercise and Longevity: Get Moving (findmeacure.com)
• Women take bad marriages to heart, study finds (ctv.ca)
• Bad Habits Asserting Themselves (nytimes.com)
• Wives in bad marriages face heart risks (thestar.com)
• When a woman's love ends (filipinastudes.blogspot.com)
  

RSVP - Where have all the manners gone?

Several decades ago in a far past culture, ladies and gentlemen adhered to a set of behavioral protocols known as etiquette. Ladies curtsied; men bowed. Ladies called in the afternoon to pay neighborly respects to one another and drink tea. Gentlemen dipped their fingers in little bowls of water between courses of moist and juicy food. The rules of etiquette served to keep people friendly and respectful of one another in daily life.

Modern culture, just like acid eating metal, puts individual interests and desires ahead of outgoing concern for other people. Soon the habits of good manners are no longer taught and become forgotten altogether.

Etiquette, or manners, today is jeered at for being selective, pretentious and inconsistent. It's true that most people no longer use finger bowls at nightly family dinners, but the basic purpose of good manners survives: Doing to others what you would have them do unto you!

Urgent Situation on RSVP

How do we get the reduced, banished remnants of etiquette back to the mainstream of society? Let's begin with a definite exercise in basic manners that everyone will be able to fulfill: the lost art of RSVP! As a way to help make your friendships last, put into practice this important aspect of etiquette.

Such strange collection of letters is normally seen at the bottom of a written (e-mail or paper letter) invitation to a special event. It is a holdover from the days when French was the universal language instead of English. RSVP stands for répondez s'il vous plaît, which is French for "please respond."

All that is required is that you respond to the person who invited you as to whether you will be able to attend the event or not. This can be done by returning the card enclosed with the invitation, by a phone call or by a note of your own. Electronic invitations are more simplified; click on a respond button at the invitation Web site or send an e-mail.

RSVP also means that the person requesting it desires an accurate count of who will be attending his or her function. By answering promptly, you are being respectful and helpful to those who organize the activity, which will allow for better planning. Good manners are beneficial to others and also to each of us. Of course, be careful with whom you will be with – he or she might not be invited or counted.

Stationery etiquette

Receiving and sending e-mails is fast, fun and practical, but writing a note on paper or in a card in your own handwriting means more. It communicates to recipient that you respect him or her enough to take the time and effort to sit down, choose a card or paper, think about the person who invited you, come up with a message and write it in your own hand. In this way you have given more of yourself and your time than it would have taken to click out a message on the keyboard. Therefore, it is more personal.

Therefore, the next time you receive an invitation to a wedding, party, shower, formal dinner or picnic, and you see RSVP, respond promptly. If you have extra time, do it by a handwritten note to show that you appreciate and respect your friends.

What Makes Men Fall in Love with You

Are there some particular moments, situations or events that make a guy unexpectedly fix on "Yes, I love her"? Oh, the answer is ambiguous, although there are some wide-ranging principles. Men have certain inherent wants that must be attended to prior to having a real connection with woman like you. When a guy concedes, knowingly or not, that you're perfect on all these levels, that's when he'll hand over.

Men have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes satisfied by your tiniest moves. When your guy is at the brink, these little things would tip him over that edge.

Seek Protection
Keeping you from harm makes him feel completely a man, which makes him feel good. Without acting helpless, allowing him see your vulnerable side will draw him closer because it unchains his instinct to take care of you. So give him opportunities to take command, and thank him well afterwards. These little things can draw out his hero side.

Offer him a job
Request him to fix or build you something. Carrying out concrete tasks is a way of bonding that boosts his sense of success.

Ask for his views
Seek his opinions, whether it's about your insurance options or the top travel destinations. It sends a message that you highly value his brain as much as his brawn.

Put on soft materials
Subtle textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur set off a deep reaction in single men. These fabrics highlight your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his passionate or romantic impulses.

Wear his clothes
It confirms that you've selected him over other guys.

Let him be
Even expressively strong single men yearn for guarantee that their individuality will hang about after they've developed into half a happy couple. By making it apparent that you don't expect some transformation, he'll feel like you really understand him and won't bully his sense of self. That leaves him enough ground to commit.

Read Also

• Surprisingly Persistent Gender Gap in Computer Technology Short Circuits Our Future (treehugger.com)
• How to visualize effectively? (using-spiritual-energy.blogspot.com)

5 Principles of Success

So many people share their own secrets regarding their achievements in life. Human triumph often defines principles or theories that govern such realizations. Here are five of the many effective strategies that can unlock greater consciousness for your success. These are silent laws that are fundamental to your success through all the years of your life . . . as they guide you upward and onward to higher achievements.

The law of control.

You must take the helm and be in control in every situation and at every moment. Make no mistake, either you are controlling the situation or someone else is. In today’s world, you are constantly bombarded by negative, influential forces that threaten your way of life. For your future’s sake and that of your loved ones, you cannot afford to let your guard down. There are forces that would purposely influence your way of thinking and how you react to any process. How well you are able to grasp control and stay in control of external stimulations indicates how intuitive you are.

In every situation, someone has to take control. No action can exist without someone assuming the position of overseer. You have to take responsibility and become the driving force behind the mission. In the mind of others, it is your insight, your grasp of the situation that becomes the motivation for achievement. Be in control of the forces that affect you. When dramatic changes come in your life, analyze the situation and be aware of the possibilities before making a decision. Stay in control, it’s your destiny. Don’t let someone else plot your destiny for you.

The law of observance
Always be responsive of everything that is going on around you, pay attention, be aware of the possibilities. Take note of what is not happening as well as what is. Don’t make rash judgments; be certain before you act.

The law of value
As a business owner how valuable are you to your employees and customers? If hard times beset you, would your employees and customers abandon you? Make sure to maintain an honest and reliable relationship with those around you.

The law of integrity
Certain qualities of character are unique to a true leader.. A true leader can be trusted for his/her word is as good as gold. You can take what he/she says to the bank because you know they stand behind it. Integrity is from the heart of good people. It represents quality, honesty, high morals, truth, and trust. It is the only quality in a person that they have to voluntarily give up. No one can take it from you; you have to make a choice to damage your own integrity. Once you have given up your integrity, you can never get it back. What value do you place upon your integrity?

The law of Development
Most everyone desires to be the best at what they do but few accomplish it. Why? Distractions, loss of drive, compliancy, and many other things undermine people’s ability to achieve. Even though humans are born of excellence, he/she rapidly becomes victim to worldly points of view. I can is replaced with I can’t, I will is replaced I won’t and so on. The trials of life create despair in the mind and clouds thinking. The world becomes a battleground for the senses causing a distorted perception. The world point of view is captivating and self destructive. The mind thinks it can’t be any better than it already is, yet we know the laws of development can and does elevate a person from failure to success. Success is a God trait inherent in mankind while failure is embracing the inconsistencies of the world order. Man, in his own right, can be anything he desires to be. From Janitor to President, man is what he aspires to be, what he/she has a passion for. You must elevate yourself above the temptations of the world. Be diligent, forthright and mature in your thinking, and always remember, each thought can potentially affect your quality of existence.

PHILIPPINE HUMAN RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT TOWARDS GREATER CONTRIBUTION FOR AND PARTICIPATION IN A U-WORLD REALIZATION

I INTRODUCTION

In the last twenty years, the Philippines has gained some good progress in poverty alleviation. However, compared to other countries in the region, the Philippines somehow lags behind. The Filipino vision remains uncertain as many aspects of economic and social life are severely affected by political bickering, fiscal crisis, crime and corruption, ineffective educational system, human resource exploitation/exportation, moral and cultural degradation, health and environmental callousness, globalization and liberalization issues, as well as the lack of common awareness of and grassroots involvement on the national goal.

Despite our achievements in terms of our highly educated and skilled workforce, the Philippines has been continually failing to capture the national benefits of education—productivity growth and social development—an outcome with significant implications for the development of our human resources. This plan of action delves into national human resource development in the Philippines. It considers how this specific context and concomitant challenges can be used to direct national human resource development to improve the country’s competitiveness in the global market and eventually set our significant contribution in the realization of an Ubiquitous-World. The very high potential of our human resources calls for an institutionalized awakening of the Filipino spirit and resolve to carve a good image globally within the framework U-Living.


II SWOT ANALYSIS OF THE PHILIPPINE HUMAN RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT SYSTEM

The system of human resource development (HRD) in the Philippines has been independently embedded in each organizational units. Many institutions in government, business, and civil society have an inkling of human resource development. They have set up HRD units or departments. But the very use of the term, HRD, belies the lack of understanding of what it will really take to help draw out the tremendous potential of Ubiquitous Technology that lies in each and every one of us. Unlike in other countries where a unified national framework oversees the direction of HRD, human resource development in the Philippines seem to lack the cohesive strength of a national structure and environment to design and implement viable programs and reforms. The table below presents in tabular form a simple analysis of the essential circumstances that set the profile of the current Philippine HRD.

STRENGTHS:

• 
  
  The presence of world-class training institutions in the country such as IRRI, CLSU, UP, Ateneo, La Salle, etc... which could provide training excellence to Filipinos.


• 
  
  The recognized expertise of Filipino programmers and It professionals who rank among the best in the world...


• 
  
  The growing awareness and attachment of Filipinos, especially the young generation, to internet-based or computer-based operations in education, business, communication, industry, etc.


• 
  
  The existence of several key government organizations or sectors involved in the e-communication development in the country, namely<>


• 
  
  The continuous effort of government agencies such as DOLE, TESDA, CHED and DepEd to upgrade the quality and make relevant/competitive basic education, vocational training, professional education as well as lifelong learning for Filipinos including those from the rural areas.


• 
  
  The openness and adaptability of Filipinos and our educational system to modern challenges and new requirements of businesses, industries and services both locally and globally.


• 
  
  Recent growth in the Philippines has been impressive. It has been the highest in three decades and has gained momentum over the last three years. This trend promises greater ….

WEAKNESSES:

• 
  
  Financial resources from the national and local government as well as from donors are limited. ICT related expenditures comprise a very minimal percentage of the key government agencies involved in ICT development. The limited funding restricts the development of necessary infrastructure facilities and efforts to promote ICT in the local levels.


• 
  
  The several organizations involved in the development of ICT, e.g., DOTC, TESDA and DOST (NCC, PCHRD), do not have well-defined area of responsibilities. which results in fragmented and selective development of ICTs in areas outside Metro Manila. This also slows down the appetite of the private sector and NGOs in pursuing active participation in ICT development in the country and in the overlapping of benefits.


• 
  
  The digital infrastructure is present but the country, being an archipelago, makes the provision of digital access in rural, remote and un-served areas, complex. In addition, telephone and Internet services are concentrated in urban areas because of affordability problems of those in the rural areas. In general, IT facilities are still inaccessible to people living in rural areas since they still have to travel long distance to avail of long distance telephone service, Internet access and e-learning among others.


• 
  
  The necessary information may not be available. For instance, necessary agriculture or trade data must be put in place to make the ICT useful in spurring developments at the local level. There is more room for improvement for the Price-Watch web site from the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) and the Bantay Presyo (Price-Watch) of the Department of Agriculture (DA) to commensurate with the needs of farmers and fishermen.


• 
  
  Philippines’ growth trend has improved but has been led largely by private consumption spending which in turn is heavily dependent on remittances of overseas workers. Despite strong GDP growth, there has been continued sluggishness in investments and manufacturing. The Philippines has not attracted its potential share of foreign investments, notwithstanding overall positive macroeconomic performance. The key constraints to the country’s competitiveness include: (i) inadequate infrastructure; (ii) weak human resource base due to inadequate investment in health and education; (iii) urban-based policies and public investments resulting in the narrow-based growth; and (iv) lack of competition in some sectors(from oligarchic power structures, regulatory capture, and restrictions on foreign participation).


• 
  
  The Philippines’ allocation for ICT and social services is low in comparison with international benchmarks

OPPORTUNITIES:

• 
  
  The growing demand for Filipino workers abroad due to their work commitment and language advantage.


• 
  
  The expansive strategies of industrialized economies to reach out and help in the development of emerging economies like the Philippines as a way of opening new markets for their technologies, products and ideas as and ensuring future arrangements for mutual coexistence in a world where barriers are gone with U-technologies.

THREATS:

• 
  
  Corruption in the government and its implementing agencies... Individual integrity, commitment and leadership come out, again and again, in all the issues regarding our nation’s development.


• 
  
  The declining quality of teachers, experts, professional, government officials, and so on who should be at the forefront of ICT promotion and e-learning establishment
  Due to the limited educational level of the potential users at the local communities they are resistant to learn new technologies. This is particularly true to those living in the truly remote areas or lower class municipalities.


• 
  
  Worsening peace and order situation in Mindanao and in other areas as well as the unchecked crime rate in the urban areas and in other potential areas of development.

III ACTION PLAN

A. Goals and Objectives:

This action plan draws the necessary framework and series of activities that are expected to revitalize the nation’s goal of modernizing the development of human resources within the context of new technologies. The proposed project strongly recognizes and recommends the effective deployment of e-learning infrastructure as a requirement for the consequent dissemination of relevant information, effectual exposure and quality training/learning of people in almost all levels towards the attainment of an ubiquitous world. The main goal is the strengthening of the Filipino society through proper quality education, socio-technological infrastructure provision, and effective reach-out programs to rural communities and even remote potential areas.

From the main goal and fostering on the present Philippine HRD strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats, stems the following specific objectives for this project, namely:

• 
  
  delineate and reinforce the roles of different government agencies and NGOs involved in developing e-learning programs, e-communication infrastructure, and ICT education and skills training;


• 
  
  fast track the deployment and expansion of ICT or e-communication/learning infrastructures within international standards across the archipelago spanning the unserved /undeserved areas as a way of realizing universal access at very affordable cost;
  strengthen the culture of excellence in significant areas of Philippine society such as governance, education and training, social services, and local employment;


• 
  
  redirect social awareness, appreciation and partaking in e-learning technologies down to local communities and grassroots level;


• 
  
  harmonize the roles and participation of public and private sectors in ICT development vis-เ-vis the growing concerns for overseas communication, mobile communication, service automation, and access to relevant information and research data.
  

B. TASKS TO BE UNDERTAKEN

To achieve the above-mentioned goals and objectives, the following activities should be implemented, as follows:

• 
  
  Conduct of survey or research on the actual status and requirements for human resource development of the country towards the realization of a U-World and present accurate information and appropriate recommendation to concerned agency (or agencies). This includes identification of municipalities still wanting the necessary ICT infrastructure facilities, including the appropriate infrastructure facilities/technology necessary or applicable;


• 
  
  Harmonization of the roles and responsibilities of the various national government agencies and non-governmental organizations involved in e-learning programs, e-communication infrastructure, and ICT education and skills training without the need for legislation; Identification of interim actions on issues whose final solutions would necessitate legislation;


• 
  
  Identification of strategically located pilot sites of U-Community Centres (UCCs) for every province as well as the hardware, software, peopleware and organizational requirements of these pilot sites;


• 
  
  Deployment of necessary ICT infrastructure and tapping of highly qualified professionals and managers (locally and internationally) for the proposed project;


• 
  
  Provision for effective extensive information dissemination/appreciation, skills training/upgrading and lifelong u-learning;


• 
  
  Monitoring and upholding of all the proposed HRD tasks against the drawback of corruption, lack of funds, crime and violence, and natural calamities.

C. SCHEDULE AND TIME-FRAME

Considering the current Philippine HRD status which features the shortage of ICT infrastructure, socio-economic slump, generally poor quality education and skills training, lack of priority funding for e-communication/e-learning, and the absence of a unified national framework to harmonize NGA and NGO roles and responsibilities, a five-year development plan is the initial span to cover the attainment of this project. However, the enhancement recommendation based on the survey or research to be conducted prior to the other tasks shall be considered with the particular schedule details eventually laid down.

D. COST ESTIMATES AND FINANCIAL PLAN : $10 billion

Item Gov’t Donors Total Cost
1. Consultants
a. International Consultants 0.50 1.25 1.75
b. Local Consultants 0.75 0.25 1.00
2. Equipment and Software
a. Equipment/hardware 3. 50 5.00 8.50
b. Software 0.75 1.25 2.00
3. Facilities
a. Buildings/Roads 4.00 3.00 7.00
b. Furniture/Fixtures 0.75 0.00 0.75
4. Training, Seminars, and Conferences 0.75 0.50 1.25
5. Research, Development, and Surveys 0.25 0.25 0.50
6. Miscellaneous Admini &Support Costs 0.20 0.00 0.20
7. Contingencies 0.00 0.30 0.30

E. Viability and Expected Impact

The success of this project shall have a high impact on the socio-economic conditions in local Filipino communities. The offshoot will be better educated human resources, new and higher-level jobs, faster and wide access to information and communications, improvement on the quality of education and training, greater social collaboration, and greater potential for our human resources. Beyond local impact would be the Filipino society’s significant contribution and participation in the realization of U-World.

IV CONCLUSION

Human Resource Development is an intertwined effort of society, its organizations, resources and people, and the international community. One country cannot succeed without the assistance and model of progressive nations. Our target to achieve a more efficient and effective society calls for social collaboration and mutual cooperation. These are the ideals for an ubiquitous world…

Befriend Yourself - The Centering Meditation

Centering is active meditation. Within you is a space that is always calm and at peace and is referred to as your "calm center". Being centered means staying peacefully calm amidst the frenzy of daily life. Centering is not allowing your inner glow to be eclipsed by stressful circumstances or negative thoughts, emotions and events.

A centered individual is in a state of clarity, focus, peace, and balance. When you are not centered, you are uncertain, unfocussed, stressed, and off balance.

A good centering method will necessitate merely nominal attention, allowing you to direct some of your attention on the activity at hand. Here are some very easy, effective centering techniques.

1. Simple Breath Responsiveness
While involved in whatever you are doing, bring some attention to your breathing for just a few moments... it needn't be your full attention... just enough to bring you back to your calm center. Breathe naturally, or perhaps just a little more slowly and deeply.
2. Regain Your Energy
When you are feeling stressed and scattered, take several slow, deep breaths. With each in-breath, imagine you are pulling all of your scattered energy and attention back to your inner self... your calm center.
3. Letting Go
This centering technique combines breath awareness with the phrase or mantra, "Let go." It is especially helpful when you are tense and/or fixating on a stressful situation or a negative thought or emotion.
As you inhale, (silently or aloud) say, "Let"
As you exhale, say "go"... while letting go of all that is stressing you.
4. Central Energy
Imagine a bright sun filling your heart chakra... the calm, subtle energy field that permeates your chest area. Imagine that sun gently emanating peace and joy throughout your entire being.

Now, try it with the meditative statements below:

Breathe in deeply all the possibilities that lie before you, and breathe out softly, any perceived encumbrances, trials or tribulations.

Breathe in completely all the guidance and support that awaits you, and breathe out gently all that no longer serves you in any way.

Breathe in fully all the freshness that sustains and nourishes you, and breathe out calmly all that has become weary and too difficult to hold.

Just let it all go, let it melt away, dissolve, disappear.

You are here now, in this moment, which unfolds before you like a flower.

And like a flower, nothing is asked of you, but that you be real, authentic, true.

And like a flower, nothing is required of you, but that you be fully present, deeply alive and profoundly aware of life all around you.

And like a flower, nothing is demanded of you, but that you be open, willing, daring, conscious.

May your day be blessed with the gifts of insight, understanding, compassion and a deep inner knowing.

May the light shine for you on those places you have hidden from view, your own or others, so that you may see, feel and know, perhaps for the very first time, the deepest truth of who you really are and why you came here.

May the grandest mysteries of life beckon to you, and may you yield to their advances and surrender to their affections.

May you ask of life that it take from you whatever it may, so that your place here has purpose and your journey be not in vain.

May you take the time to cease the inner chatter and feel the stillness in your own soul, and in that stillness may you see with new eyes, the perfection in each person and the gifts they lay before you at your feet. And may you gladly embrace those gifts and take them into your gentle and opening heart.

Your time alone is sacred, as is every moment lived from a conscious place.

May you be accompanied by Angels, precious beings from all places and times holy, and seen and unseen friends, who quietly rejoice along side of you in your awakening, those beings who want only the best for you and see you in your splendor, even when you do not.

And when you are done with this moment, may you enfold it in love and send it out into the world where it will uplift the planet, touching each person in a profound yet almost imperceptible way, like a butterfly alights upon a flower, aware of something forever changed.

For every time you breathe a little lighter, the world is lighter and the healing begins for all of us, not just for one of us, but for all of us.

When you have the courage to awaken, you do it for everyone, because you are everyone.

Fighting Right at Every Stage of Love Quarrel

Such unavoidable scuffles you have with your man don’t have to set off turmoil in the relationship. In effect, when dealt with appropriately, quarrels can help you better understand and value each other. Yap, I’m serious!

Clashes with your man are not amusing, but they’re inevitable. And when they come, you may be bothered that the loving bond you’ve established in your relationship will somehow begin to grind down. I don’t think so, fighting is a necessary ingredient for intimacy. It proves that you have invested that much to want to hash something out instead of just writing each other off.

Twisted as it looks, disagreements can in fact deliver an opportunity for you and your guy to grow closer — if you handle them constructively instead of allowing them devolve into huge, repulsive nosh-ups. It takes emotional intelligence to take the anger out of an issue and talk about it productively, and many people don’t learn those skills growing up. . On the following pages, top communication, relationship, and conflict-resolution experts provide their best pieces of advice on how to avoid common quarreling pitfalls, plus crucial strategies for fighting right at every stage of a love quarrel.

PRELIMINARIES: ESCALATING MOVES

E-mailing your grievances. If you’ve been stewing over something your guy said or did, it’s tempting to fire off a bitchy e-mail or IM detailing your issues. But by doing that, you run the risk of blindsiding your guy — remember, he may be clueless to the fact that you’re upset.

Trapping him. It’s important to pick a good time to air your gripe. So if your boyfriend thinks he’s coming home to spend the night vegging on the couch and instead you rip into him the second he walks in the door about how badly he behaved in front of your friends last Friday, you’re setting him — and yourself — up. At best, he’ll offer a stunned, knee-jerk response that will likely upset you more. If you’re not both in a frame of mind to discuss the issue, nothing will get solved.

PRELIMINARIES: BONDING MOVES

Identify the real problem. Say you’re seething because he didn’t RSVP to his friend’s party on your behalf. Before you read him the riot act, spend time reflecting — maybe you feel left out of his social circle or you have concerns about his lack of responsibility or etiquette. Fighting is often about something much deeper than the surface issue. Freaking out about a specific instance (the RSVP debacle) won’t improve communication. But if you can identify what’s really bothering you, he can work on that bigger issue.

Settle evenly. Guys are biologically engineered to avoid screechy female tones...or so you’d think. Meaning, if you want him to stay in the room long enough to hear you out, you have to calm your butt down. What I suggest is taking two breaths into your belly and thinking of something good in your life so your nervous system relaxes. Taking that moment will help you remain kind, which in turn will get him to see how committed you are to finding a sane solution.

FOR THE DURATION: ESCALATING MOVES

Confining your comments. The tiff started when he came home late, but since you’re riled up, you also bring up how sexist his friends are and how selfish he is to watch TV when you’re having a bad day. Confine your discussion to one incident. Snowballing your complaints confuses both of you about what the real issue is. Keeping focused lets you resolve the argument at hand instead of creating new ones.

Avoiding repetitions. If he doesn’t seem to get why you’re so peeved through his thick skull, keep hammering it home, right? Wrong. Anytime one of you repeats yourself, it means the other person has stopped listening and put on their mental mute button. At this point, productivity is at a standstill.

Filthy shots. Sarcasm and name-calling are cheap shots. It takes maturity to stay even-keeled.

FOR THE DURATION: BONDING MOVES

Saying instead of blaming. It sounds psychobabbly, but it really works and makes people less defensive. Try it: “You don’t do any chores, so I did the dishes again!” sounds blamey, while “I feel like I’m left with an unfair share of housework, such as the dishes. What do you think about that?” suddenly opens things up for a legit discussion.

Inquiring. As your guy spells out his side, get details: “When did you first notice this?” or “What would you like me to do next time?” This shows him that you’re listening, and guys respond well when they feel respected.

Taking time-off. If things get ugly, say “I’m too upset to talk rationally. Can we revisit this tomorrow/after I work out/in an hour or so?” When you think of a fight as a talk, not a blowout, it takes the fear out of it. You both become more optimistic about handling it.

FINISHING OFF: ESCALATING MOVES

Obliging. Not all arguments can be resolved in one sitting. So while you might want to slog out the details right away, your guy may be over it — at least for the night. People in conflict have different styles of settling things and need different amounts of time to process what’s been said, and all of them are valid. As long as you’ve said your piece and feel heard, be willing to compromise with how your partner wants to handle the situation.

Requiring a perfect act of contrition. When we’re mad, our reptilian brain kicks in and wants our opponent to grovel and apologize. It’s crucial to let your frontal lobe take control and remind you that it’s the big picture — harmony — that’s important. So if he said he was sorry, take it at face value instead of holding out for him to say it the “right” way.

FINISHING OFF: BONDING MOVES

Get going. Once you’ve heard the outcome you were after (an apology, a promise to try harder, an explanation of why he feels that way, etc.), any further fighting is self-indulgent. Be willing to stop when you reach your goal. Move on

Clearing it out verbally. When you come to an agreement on something that needs to change, verbalize the specifics so you both know what to expect. For example, “In the future, if I’m going to be working past 8, I’ll call you. That way, you don’t misunderstand and wind up bickering again about the same thing.

Signing in prior to sign out. Before you walk away, say that as far as you’re concerned, the issue is resolved, then ask him if he feels the same. It conveys concern for your mate’s point of view.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: DIVIDING MOVES

Keeping a chip on your shoulder. Some people blow the memory of a dispute way out of proportion. But by nurturing a grudge and holding on to your anger, you hurt for far longer than you need to.

Referencing the brawl. Making cracks about your fight-night drama in front of other people — even as a joke — erodes trust. It escalates his defensiveness, both on that topic and the next one you have an argument about. Just the mention of a sore subject in front of a third party can make him feel like he’s being attacked or belittled.

Clamoring for the final word. Say you let things go at the time, but you just thought of a great point to make or something clever you should’ve said. So you toss a pointed comment over dinner or send an e-mail “clarifying” your point of view. These actions only re-engage the entire tussle and leave him wondering if he can trust that you’re telling the truth the next time you say you’ve made peace with the matter.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: UNITING MOVES

Spotlighting his finest traits. After a draining debate, spend some time dwelling on what you love about your guy — even the smallest, stupidest things, like how he always restocks the cookies when they’re running low. Contemplating your partner’s good points puts him in a more positive light in your mind, and it helps balance the stuff that’s irritating about him.

Sending a nice note/e-mail. No need to rehash the events, but bouncing him a “Thanks for talking that over” or “Again, I’m sorry, and I love you” can go a long way toward rebuilding goodwill. When you give these interpersonal gifts, the natural instinct on his part is to give you one in return at some point. It’s a gesture that only benefits the relationship.

Caressing him. A reassuring hug or back scratch can be all it takes to transmit to your guy (who’s naturally less verbal) that you’re still a tight couple. These touches are all about reassuring him and expressing your love — directly and indirectly. They say, ‘Yes, I can be angry and still love you.’” And, hey, if it leads to make-up sex, so be it. There’s a reason that variety of nooky has such a hot reputation.

Getting Through a Broken Heart

Unless you belong to the lucky minority who met their soul mate in high school, married right after college, and spent the next 5 decades in marital bliss, you are going to bear what millions before you have gone through, and what millions after you will experience - a broken heart.

The hurt during a breakup is as individual as the millions of people who suffer it. While some simply shake the dust off and get right back into the dating game, others are left so distraught that they never date again, spending the rest of their life in bitter solitude. Why the difference? Could some of us just be stronger than others? Do some people love harder than others? Are some loves more connected than others?

For a good number of us who experience a break-up, a normal mournful stage will come about: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. But for some, the grief and devastation are so severe that they end up hospitalized, and even suicidal. Others remain either bitter or so afraid of getting hurt that they never date again, closing off their hearts to just about everyone. Yet, some don't even grieve at all, subconsciously choosing to simply transfer their feelings for one person immediately onto that of another person in what is called a rebound relationship. Some people find that venting or journaling or blogging is the only thing that helps them release the pain and understand their broken heart.

Most of the variations have something to do with our loving style. There are many loving styles ranging from the very healthy, to the desperately needy. While one person may love another in a supportive and healthy way, another person may cling onto their mate simply as a way to fix what they imagine to be wrong with themselves. They use their partner as a method of dealing with their own imagined inadequacies or feelings of unworthiness - feeling good only as long as they are in the relationship. Others simply like the 'high' of being in love. This high becomes addictive to them and they hop from one relationship instantly into another - often times head-over-heels in love by the second date. They recklessly seek 'love' much as an addict will seek a 'fix', and are often so in need of being in love that they imagine their partners to have all the qualities they are looking for in a mate - whether their partners actually possess these qualities or not. Still others simply surrender themselves into their relationships quickly losing themselves and their own sense of individuality, becoming 'the relationship'. Should the relationship end, then shall they, too.

A hale and hearty view of oneself, one's partner, and one's relationship is crucial to surviving the ups and downs in our endless search for that special someone to share our lives with.

Read Also

• Debra Waibel ( Shattered Girlz ) added a discussion (fashionindustrynetwork.com)
• How NOT to help heal a broken heart (cnn.com)

WONDERFUL REMARKS

One small remark makes a lot of difference in a relationship. One hell of a remark could get things into trouble. One wonderful remark could mean life. But remarks may not come in words uttered or written. Remarks could remarkably bare the truth and expose your person. Perhaps even silence is a remark. The lyrics of this song by Van Morrison unveils the intricate realities that come with a remark.

“Wonderful Remark” Lyrics by Von Morrison

How can you stand the silence
That pervades when we all cry
How can you watch the violence
That erupts before your eyes

You can't even grab a hold on
When we're hanging oh so loose
You don't even listen to us
When we talk it ain't no use

Leave your thoughtlessness behind you
Then you may begin to understand
Clear the emptiness around you
With the waving of your hand

Refrain : That was a wonderful remark
I had my eyes closed in the dark
I sighed a million sighs
I told a million lies to myself, to myself
Ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh

Now, how can we listen to you
When we know that your talk is cheap
How can we never question
Why we give more and you keep

How can your empty laughter
Fill a room like ours with joy
When you're only playing with us
Like a child does with a toy

How can we ever feel the freedom
Or the flame lit by the spark
How can we ever come out even
When reality is stark

Repeat Refrain

Listen, how can you tell us something
Just to keep us hanging on, yeah
Something that just don't mean nothin'
When we see you, you are gone

Clinging to some other rainbow
While we're standing waiting outside in the cold
Telling us the same sad story
Knowing time is growing old

Touch your world up with some colour
Dream you're swinging on a star
Taste it first then add some flavour
Now you know just who you are

Repeat Refrain 2x

8 Instant Mood Boosters

I had a cheerful morning today. I woke up feeling good and refreshed, not the usual headache. Everything went alright with our morning activities, no hassle and no annoyances. So I whistled my way to work, quite excited with what I planned to finish because the materials I have requested were delivered yesterday afternoon. Then my cell phone rang. I checked on who was calling but the number is not on my contact list. Then the voice, the damn news and worst circumstances just got into my nerves. This whole afternoon glory was zapped away by one phone call. My whole day was obliterated. I held them responsible, I blamed the economy, I cursed dirty politics, and God have mercy…

Yes, a day of bright, shiny attitude can simply collapse with a flip of a smartphone, a browse across an email inbox or a glance at the clock or calendar. Of course, we've all been through a trauma or challenge that needs to be processed and healed over time. But do you notice that most of the things that are infuriating, disheartening or crazy-making are relatively small or entirely out of our control. Instead of focusing on the downbeat, what if we opt instead to offer our time, energy and concentration to feeling good again? What if we take a five-minute time out to get optimistic? Amazingly, it's not as hard or protracted to get to high spirits as you might think.

Whether you're mad about gas prices, scared on the melamine menace or mumbling about the boss, you can boost up your mood swiftly and easily with these 8 tips:
1. Clear your space, clear your mind. 
2. Put on a little mood-lifting music.
3. Make yourself laugh (or at least grin).
4. Focus on your favorite color.
5. Mix up something good to eat or drink.
6. Stretch yourself.
7. Exhale the tension, and then inhale something that smells sweet.
8. Start over.

If nothing else helps and it looks like your day is a complete wash, why not call a do-over? If you can make the time, give yourself a half-hour (or more) to linger a little longer than usual in a warm shower. Not only will the change in your routine shake off some of the stress, studies show that heating up your core temperature can also warm up your mood. Then do some simple self-care rituals like applying your favorite moisturizer and putting on comfortable clothes you feel good wearing.  Even if you have to return to work or your to-do list, at least you know you can hit the re-set button on your attitude first.

Resilience: The Process of Coming Back and Learning to Recover

Recover, endure, overcome, solve, adapt, hang tough, learn, etc. These words that surface out in a brainstorming session point to one very important human ability and that is “resilience”.

Webster’s Dictionary, defines the word resilience as:” the ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune". Highly resilient people possess several similar qualities, they are inclined to be; playful with childlike curiosity, they constantly learn from experience, they adapt quickly, they have solid self esteem and self confidence, they express feelings honestly, have good friendships, they expect things to work out well, read others with empathy, they use their intuition and creative hunches, they defend themselves well, and they have a talent for serendipity.

On a more corporate view, system resilience refers to the property of being able to recover and endure. It is the measure of the persistence of systems and of their ability to absorb change and disturbance and still maintain the same relationships between populations or state variables. It is the capacity of a system to experience shocks while retaining essentially the same function, structure, feedbacks, and therefore identity. This is the ability of groups or communities to cope with external stresses and disturbances as a result of social, political, and environmental change; and the same ability of the system to withstand either market or environmental shocks without losing the capacity to allocate resources efficiently. It’s flexibility in the long run. Resilience has three characteristics capacities, namely, a) to absorb disturbances, b) for self-organization, and c) for learning. Its four aspects are latitude, resistance, precariousness, and cross-scale relations.
Knowing now what resilience is reminds you that you have it. Resilience is an emotional muscle that can grow with use and practice -- or waste away if disregarded. Everyone can develop this emotional muscle. Everyone needs to. You are born with some resilience. You have the choice how to apply it throughout your life. To grow resilience you need fuel, you need challenge and you need lots of practice.

A number of people think that resilience is a trait that is natural; you either have it or you don't. But that is not quite accurate. You are born with some component characteristics that aid and abet the development of resilience. For example, there is a contribution that temperament makes to the acquisition of resilience; some people are simply born with less reactivity to stress. It makes them hardier in the face of adversity and better able to draw on their cognitive abilities in situations that throw others off balance.

Some are also born with more optimism or are more extraverted. Still others have more guts, are more prone to take risks. All of these qualities, generally considered to be inborn components of personality, influence the ease with which you develop resilience. But determination and practice can help anyone foster resilience. It is, in fact, more a learning process than an inherited gift. What, then, do you do to grow resilience?

• When life hands you a setback, readjust your own identity. Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and start thinking of yourself as a problem-solver. Flip the switch in your brain. Don't focus on yourself or your shortcomings, focus on your goal and what you need to do to get there. Ask yourself, How do I solve the problem?
• Always challenge yourself to go just beyond your comfort zone. Risk builds resilience, and it's OK to take reasonable risks. The simplest way to go beyond your comfort zone is to learn a new skill. There is no end to the number of areas in which you can go beyond your comfort zone. If you argue a lot with your spouse, don't give up. Try for an understanding one more time. If you are having trouble with a child, remember how much you love him or her. The aim is to convert everyday stresses into opportunities for growth. You use them as springboards for developing coping strategies that ensure the survival of self.
• Choose a hero, so that in the face of adversity you can maintain a positive identification. I know men who when facing difficulty summon up images of themselves as Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Women can summon up the story of Joan of Arc. Or think of a grandparent who survived the Holocaust.
• Think of stories of resilience and stars of resilience. Search for models of resilience and study what they did. You don't have to go far to find them. The media offer plenty of possibilities: Christopher Reeve, Lance Armstrong, even Hillary Clinton. When, as a new senator, she was told that people don't like her, she smiled and said, "That's because they don't know me." I recommend to you, that you conjure up any glimpse or memory that can bring a wave of warmth to you. Grab onto them, because that is what they are there for - to see you through the hard times. Hang onto any inspiration, whatever, or whomever it may be.
• Actively gather information about resilience. Ask people you know how they have handled setbacks. Build a personal support network. Include those that are positive that can listen and help you remember that it hasn’t always been this way.
• Push yourself physically. Regular exercise helps you maintain a positive attitude and breeds feelings of strength. It is in fact a model of strength and what resilience feels like. It's easy to understand resilience when you experience it organically. When you run a mile, run a mile and a half. When you lift 10-pound weights, go for 15 pounds. Hold your yoga pose a few seconds longer.
• Teach yourself patience. Resilience requires being more strategic and less impulsive. Give yourself more time before reacting to inflammatory situations. If someone is rude to you, don't immediately respond in kind or display contempt. Take three deep breaths before you choose to act. You need to build more space between impulse and action. By definition, when you are less reactive, you become more resilient.

"When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor."

We may be branded lazy people who do not want to face up to responsibility. Decimated maybe, but not lazy. The large majority of the people are fighters in the truest sense. We have to be curious, nosey, about what’s around the corner, the next minute, and the next day. We know that things can change in minutes. We have somehow experienced feeling desperate and defeated and to wake up somehow feeling human again.

Finally, I believe we all suffer in our own ways. Most hide it better than others do. Some are lucky enough not to be challenged in the same ways. Resolve to keep trying in whatever way you can. Sometimes that may mean just waking up and staying awake. To some this is an easy feat. Do your best - believe in yourself - only you know in your own heart who you really are. The thing that really amazes me in this life, is the resilience of the human spirit and I have been a witness to so many examples...

"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out and meet it" (Thucydides).