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Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Discover your �Giving Bee� profile

Bumblebees are all giving by nature. They give naturally to maintain the world of abundance. But each bee actually takes a different standing in maintaining the colony as well as the flower garden. So, I thought human beings are the same. We are all naturally giving and sharing. But we often express our giving in different ways. So, here it is a 'giving bee ' chart where you can find your bee type. Watch out for the following bee analysis! The more you share your value as a giving bees, the more we can do together to make a difference.

Bumblebee type analysis

1. Change-making bee A giving bee who likes to see change - who spots every opportunity to do something better and worthwhile. A change-making bee often starts up new amazing projects for others to participate in. A flexible thinker who can collaborate well with others while often taking a leadership position in making change. Many business leaders and creators are this type of giving bee. They are not afraid of having change.

2. Believing bee: A giving bee who believes in one core beliefs very strongly and inspire others to follow. Rather than changing all the time and being too flexible, this giving bee attracts people by being solid like a rock and integral to the unwavering belief and vision. Some of the religious leaders as well as political leaders are this type of giving bee. Believing bees makes for a great leader who attracts huge numbers of followers. This bee also can be a great follower who strongly supports an existing belief and excites others to come together.

3. Caring and nurturing bee: A giving bee who may not stand out as a strong leader but actually are the biggest heart-focused givers. A caring and nurturing bee is egoless in giving and is always first to take the giving action when seeing anyone in need. Though this bee seems gentle and caring, the strong desire to give and care for others drives this giving bee to present some unimagined giving acts. Many people who dedicate their lives to giving (volunteering, community service etc) are this type of bee. Giving comes more natural to them.

4. Supporting and uniting bee: A giving bee who sees the largest value in uniting and cooperating in effective partnerships. This giving bee is very focused on looking for existing great ideas, mechanisms, philosophies or beliefs to benefit the community. It tends to support what resonates with him/her more often than coming up with a brand new way. A supporting and uniting bee is less attached to own way and has more flexible mind while being quite strategic about what to support. Rather than taking immediate action emotionally, this bee sees the value in creating the long-term unity. Long-term 'quiet' charity givers and those who take low profile in community giving but stick to the same project for a long time are often this type of bee.

Buy1GIVE1 or B1G1 ( www.buy1-give1free.com ) is the home of the most powerful, impactful and change-making giving process in the world. Buy One Give One (BOGO) is now a global 'movement' bringing together businesses, charities and consumers in a way that has simply not been done before.


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Friday, September 11, 2009

Love - The Secret to Manifesting Abundance

In times of great economic fluctuations and uncertainty, it is our nature to contract, pull in, look for cover, and try to ride out the storm. We often wait and try not to make changes, holding on tight to our present way of life until the storm passes. If we know that a storm will only last for a day or two, we are confident that we can ride it out. But even when the world is in a period of great change and the storm has no end in sight, pulling in, contracting, holding tight and waiting is still not the best way to deal with the situation at hand.

There is an old saying that "God never closes a door without opening a window." But if you are pulled in, holding on and hiding, it is hard to see exactly where a window is from which you can fly.

When you are not sure what to do or where to go, begin by going inward and examining not only where you are, but how you got there and who you became in the process. This is a time when you must look to yourself to see where you are on your "How much do I love myself?" meter. Follow that up by checking in on how much you really loved the life you were living before the storm.

When the duties and activities that have been constantly sucking in your time and energy suddenly seem to have either gone away, are no longer available, or are no longer practical, recognize how their absence has given you back the wonderful gift of time.

How often in the past, did you complain because you never had the time to do the things you wanted to do? If it wasn't work, your time was over committed because of family, personal, social, or business obligations. For many, with the tightening of the economy, those obligations are no longer affordable. Tough choices had to be made, or were made for you. The question is - what are you going to fill that time with? Look around, maybe you are not the only one that suddenly has more time. Is your life partner more available as well? Are your children no longer taking as many lessons or participating in after school activities five days a week? Or maybe it's a good friend or a treasured sibling. Yours is not the only world that is changing in all this upheaval, so who can you spend more "together time" with?

Think back on when you were a child and the things you loved to do, when the world was not quite so chaotic. Is it a discovery time? Now you have more time not only to explore yourself and your neglected interests, hobbies and passions, but the people who are important in your life. Sure, you can all sit around with your family or friends and take turns complaining about how unfair everything is and then do mind numbing activities like sit around and zone out to the TV, or you might all go into your respect corners to play games on the computer with occasional breaks to complain how unfair it is, but why would you want to? Doesn't sound like much fun, does it? Or you can take this opportunity, as you learn yourself, to teach your children, how to deal positively with tough times. You can discover ways to have fun, be connected and enjoy yourself - ways that cost nothing more than time and effort.

The more you are able to rediscover your passions, learn to love yourself and love others in new, different and more intense ways, and allow yourself to see where your passions take you, the more you will discover that abundance, in many different and unexpected ways, will start to flow into your life.

Release your attachments as to how things need to look, or should look, so that you can see all the different windows of abundance and the many opportunities the Universe is offering you.

Love, love, and love more, in all of its flows and all of its aspects, and within those flows, you will find the flows of abundance.

Go find a window.

Dr. Kevin Ross Emery is a popular author, psychic, coach, consultant and teacher. Dr. Kevin travels internationally, offering lectures and workshops to empower people from all walks of life. He's also available for phone (and Skype) consultations. Dr. Kevin's primary practices are in Portland, Maine and Haverhill, Massachusetts. Join Dr Kevin on his weekly radio show: "Outside the Box with Dr Kevin" at http://www.weboflight.com.

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Five Ways To Turn Sports Into Team Building Games For Everyone

Sports have incredible potential as team building exercises, but they also carry challenges with them. Some people are natural athletes, but others are uncomfortable with returning to sports they might not have played since high school. The Xpeerience Group runs sports-based team building activities out of extensive facilities in Toronto’s harbor lands, including two full-sized sports fields with artificial turf. The team development group suggests five techniques to turn ordinary sports into team building games that reward cooperation as much as they do athletic star power.

Childhood Games: For older players, returning to childhood games can level the playing field, as each player will be relatively rusty. Popular team games include tag, capture the flag and dodge ball. One way to lessen the sting of being taken “out” is to change the rules so that it’s possible to bring players back regularly. For example, the “jail” system (where captured players stand in a designated area, but can be released by approaching players) can be adapted to many different games.

Cooperative Rules: All sports reward athletic ability but a few are structured so that in amateur play, a few athletes can easily dominate play. Soccer forwards (or “strikers”) can rule the game in pairs, and everyone’s experienced what a “heavy hitter” can do to a baseball or softball game. The solution? Change the rules to reward cooperation. In thrown or kickball games, add rules that require a certain number of passes to different players before scoring is allowed. In softball or baseball you can change the rules to make the pitcher a member of the batting side’s team, so that both sides cooperate to get the best hit at bat possible.

Giant Hobby Games: Once you make a traditional board or hobby game big enough it might just turn into a sport! The Xpeerience Group regularly guides teams through “supersized” versions of classics like Jenga and Connect 4. This moves the game slightly into the realm of athletic activity, but not so much that one person can confidently dominate it. In fact

Mix Teams: When it doubt, mix up the teams? This tries and true team building method is an excellent way to create a relaxed, cooperative atmosphere to any team sport. Trade half of each team with the other at the halfway point and you’ll not only get a more diverse mix of people, but you’ll maximize opportunities to socialize and prevent people from taking the game too seriously.

Unusual Sports: One way to encourage cooperation is to make every player equally unfamiliar with the rules. You can do this by choosing an obscure team sport (Wikipedia has descriptions of several) or be creating a truly off the wall variation of a standard sport. For example, the Xpeerience Group uses a game where each side tries to collect as many bandannas (tucked in players’ belts or a similar location) as possible.

Whatever you do, your goal it to get people talking, working together and having fun together – never at the expense of any single player.

The Xpeerience Group is a corporate team building games and team development group located in Toronto, Ontario. To inquire about Xpeerience Group services, visit xpeeriencegroup.com/contactus or email info@xpeeriencegroup.com.

Related Sites:
Naked Pinay Views, Friendly Remarks , Greeny Fashion, Money Talks , Marc Nand's Blog , Nodding Nanding's Journal, Amusing Disclosure , PC Operatis , Online Shopster
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Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Secrets of Talking to Women

Men really tend to struggle when it comes to talking to women. Tongues get tied and the brain cells start to die off the instant they try to engage a woman in a conversation. Learning how to talk to women is like learning any other aspect of dating. You need to be willing to try, fail, and try again.

For the most part, you need to give up cheesy pick up lines. Women can see right through these and know that you're not actually trying to talk to them, just pick them up. When you're learning how to talk to women, it is okay to have an opening statement or question on hand, but that isn't the same thing as having a list of quick pick up lines in your pocket. Know what you're going to say before you say it.

Think of talking to women as having a conversation, because that is all that it is. With a good attitude and a little bit of humor you can actually talk to women about anything at all. Have some confidence as this is more important than what you say. Smile. A lot. Walk upright and feel genuinely good about yourself, because these things translate back and forth into how you come off to others. Confidence and happiness are two of the most attractive features in a man, and it can make talking to women much smoother.

Don't be overconfident, aka pushy. Give her the room to decide whether she wants to talk to you. Give her physical room and don't hover waiting for answers. Be a good listener and be gracious even in the face of negatives responses.

Women like compliments and attention, but they like to be listened to even more. They will pick up on whether or not you are listening to them. If you base your responses on listening to her, she will notice and chatting with her will become a much easier experience.

We wish you the best of luck in your dating adventures!

Doug Hosein is a blogger, and all-around knowledge-junkie with a wide range of interests. He has been following the dating industry for years now and has written dozens of articles on the subject. You can view many more informative advice articles at http://www.Online-Dating-Tips.info/


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Naked Pinay Views, Friendly Remarks , Greeny Fashion, Money Talks , Marc Nand's Blog , Nodding Nanding's Journal, Amusing Disclosure , PC Operatis , Online Shopster

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Giving Honest Friendly Remarks

Friendster or Foe

Do you often struggle to give candid remarks to people? Or, do you always have the guts to give remarks to others honestly? They say that pretentious remarks are loud and easy while sincere comments are often kept secret or whispered subtly. Because real friendship is a silent relationship between individuals who value each other, honesty in opinions regarding your friends should be expressed in private or forever be silent. But there are risks in relationships. If you really value the other person, you have to somehow get your truth across.

Being truthful with your friends can be easier said than done at times. When you are confronted with a topic that could possibly end your friendship, you hustle between telling the truth and avoiding the truth to spare their feelings. Being straightforward with your friend becomes a tug of war of morals and salvaging what you are afraid to unveil. Here are some realistic approaches to overcome this dilemma:

Relationships are about levels of commitment or as they say in the business world your SLA (service level agreement). Remind your friends that you respect them enough to let them know the truth even if it hurts. Emphasize that your true friends tell you things you don't want to hear to save them the embarrassment of discovery from those who want to conspire against them. At times your friends will not take well your candor. Respect the way they perceive what you have to say to them and don't judge their response to you. Allow them to feel mad or upset or frustrated. Being a good friend is being honest and then being there for your friend when that honesty becomes a blow to his ego.

Keep in mind that honesty is the baseline for all healthy relationships because it gives rise to trust and trust eventually builds respect. At times it might be hard to tell your friend the truth, however if you phrase it in a manner that shows real concern and respect, you will most likely receive a warm positive feedback rather than a cold defensive response. Because people always seem to ask others about personal issues, sometimes being honest with them can come across as being mean. But if you want to help someone without being harsh you should read and try some of these tips. They will surely help your friend and also help keeping that friendship.
  • You should always be honest with your friend or partner at all times. This will help you gain trust with each other and will let the other know that you really care about each other.
  • Make sure you take into consideration the type of friend you are talking to when giving your opinion. If you know that he or she is sensitive about others opinions you should be careful about how you express yourself.
  • Always give the person CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Try not to be brash and give deconstructive opinions. If they just did a show or song and they want to hear your opinion always say something like, "That was good, it really was, but..." Never tell the person that it was downright awful or just try something different. Some call it tough love but it is really being down right mean.
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Friday, August 14, 2009

True friends are not dream-slashers

The secret to choosing the right friendships for you,
starts with a short friendship poem by The Happy Guy

Choose friends wisely, the portrait they paint
Is who you are and who you ain't.
Friendship is life's great support
When friends are of the right sort.
For all your dreams do they make room,
Or bring you down with doom and gloom?
You will know a friendship is true
When it brings out the best in you.

It's true. You can tell a person by the company she keeps. Our friendships not only tell a lot about who we are -- they make us who we are.The friendship poem above says it all. You will know a friendship is true when it brings out the best in you.

Take a look at your friends. Do they bring out the best in you? That might seem like a silly question. We all tend to think, "Of course they bring out the best in me. I wouldn't be friends with them otherwise."

But stop and think why you are friends. Here are a few common reasons why people become friends:
  • Common background, sharing a comfort level in company from "the same side of the tracks".
  • Common current situation, being able to discuss parenting, home renovations, or some other major life circumstance.
  • Common interest, such as cards, bowling, hunting, etc.
  • For shy people, a person who actually approached you is a candidate for friendship.
  • For leaders, somebody who seems content to follow is a likely candidate. Somebody you spend time with anyway, such as a colleague, sibling, etc, often becomes a friend.
  • Somebody you see frequently anyway, such as a neighbor, store clerk, etc, could become a friend.
These are just a few reasons people choose friends. It is the easy, natural way, but it is not always in our best interest. Sure, we should always want to get along with colleagues, neighbors, siblings, and anybody else.

But we should choose our friends, the people we open up to, very carefully. For instance, even a sibling can bring you down, pooh-pooh your dreams and load you up with negativity. "Ha! You think you can teach? What do you know about teaching?"

Even well-meaning friends can be dream-slashers. "Oh, do you really think you should go into business for yourself? I mean, what about security?"

On the other hand, some friends have a way of building up your dreams. "Go for it! You could really do well. And at worst, you'll at least have given it your best shot!"

Friends will often lend a hand. "Gee, I don't know much about fitness, but is there any way I can help you reach your goal?" Dream-slashers usually don't. "Hey, if you insist on pursuing this crazy scheme, leave me out of it."

A true friendship should:
  • Encourage you to live your dream.
  • Support you toward your goals.
  • Sympathize for your losses and help you find a silver lining.
  • Build your self-esteem.
If happiness and life-satisfaction are your goals, your friends should be chosen on the basis of how well they can accomplish those four goals. Happiness is a personal choice that comes from within. But, as my short friendship poem says, it sure doesn't hurt to have supportive friendships that help us achieve our goals.

Author: David Leonhardt is author of a self-help happiness book. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant


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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Friendship with Your Ex – Does It Work?

When a romance crumbles, it sucks. But after the painful knock down, you stand up and come to your senses, realizing that you may be better off without the guy/gal. However, you have known each other so well and both of you may not be ready to relinquish that friendship. Or maybe, the man or woman or both is secretly wishing for a reawakening.

Well, there has to be some way to maintain wholesome friendship with someone who was once romantically linked with you. Those who were able patch things up as friends gave these pointers to consider:

Be honest with your feelings -- and make sure he/she is, too. Becoming just friends with an ex is a knotty situation, particularly when one of you is still carrying a torch for the lost love. If one person can't abandon the old feelings they have for the other, whether it's love, hatred, jealousy, resentment or lust, you run into a problem when trying to stay friends. Even if you're able to get along after you break up, the friendship itself is not true and genuine because of those leftover feelings.

Reflect on the reasons and manner of your breakup.
Sometimes you can be friends -- in the long run. But when the gash of a hostile clash, double-cross or cold-hearted dumping is still fresh, the very last thing you could do with is to attempt to be pleasant to the perpetrator. And if you're the one who broke a heart, don't look forward to her/him to want to hang around with you as friends. If it didn't end up in a melodramatic fashion, the friendship can often rekindle somewhat soon.

Discern your motives for friendship.
It's essential to ponder on the pros and cons of this friendship actually working. Sometimes the motivation for friendship isn't really healthy: You want some kind of justification for all the years you spent with the relationship, or you think lessen the guilt about moving on, or you're still fixated on him/her. Maybe it is better to let go of the memory altogether than work on a friendship that will hold you back later.

Sometimes, you can remain civil and friendly, but being friends in the long run just doesn't work. Somewhere down the road both of you will end up in a new connection. When you have had an intimate relationship with a person, the boundaries of the friend zone have been breached and you can't just go back to pretending like you were never lovers, which isn't fair to your new love, in case.


Share your experience: Do you think it's possible to maintain a friendship with an ex? Have you tried it? How did it work out? Does financial status play a role? Does shopping help you totally forget the idea? Shed some light and share your encounter…


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Saturday, June 20, 2009

RSVP - Where have all the manners gone?

Several decades ago in a far past culture, ladies and gentlemen adhered to a set of behavioral protocols known as etiquette. Ladies curtsied; men bowed. Ladies called in the afternoon to pay neighborly respects to one another and drink tea. Gentlemen dipped their fingers in little bowls of water between courses of moist and juicy food. The rules of etiquette served to keep people friendly and respectful of one another in daily life.

Modern culture, just like acid eating metal, puts individual interests and desires ahead of outgoing concern for other people. Soon the habits of good manners are no longer taught and become forgotten altogether.

Etiquette, or manners, today is jeered at for being selective, pretentious and inconsistent. It's true that most people no longer use finger bowls at nightly family dinners, but the basic purpose of good manners survives: Doing to others what you would have them do unto you!

Urgent Situation on RSVP

How do we get the reduced, banished remnants of etiquette back to the mainstream of society? Let's begin with a definite exercise in basic manners that everyone will be able to fulfill: the lost art of RSVP! As a way to help make your friendships last, put into practice this important aspect of etiquette.

Such strange collection of letters is normally seen at the bottom of a written (e-mail or paper letter) invitation to a special event. It is a holdover from the days when French was the universal language instead of English. RSVP stands for répondez s'il vous plaît, which is French for "please respond."

All that is required is that you respond to the person who invited you as to whether you will be able to attend the event or not. This can be done by returning the card enclosed with the invitation, by a phone call or by a note of your own. Electronic invitations are more simplified; click on a respond button at the invitation Web site or send an e-mail.

RSVP also means that the person requesting it desires an accurate count of who will be attending his or her function. By answering promptly, you are being respectful and helpful to those who organize the activity, which will allow for better planning. Good manners are beneficial to others and also to each of us. Of course, be careful with whom you will be with – he or she might not be invited or counted.

Stationery etiquette

Receiving and sending e-mails is fast, fun and practical, but writing a note on paper or in a card in your own handwriting means more. It communicates to recipient that you respect him or her enough to take the time and effort to sit down, choose a card or paper, think about the person who invited you, come up with a message and write it in your own hand. In this way you have given more of yourself and your time than it would have taken to click out a message on the keyboard. Therefore, it is more personal.

Therefore, the next time you receive an invitation to a wedding, party, shower, formal dinner or picnic, and you see RSVP, respond promptly. If you have extra time, do it by a handwritten note to show that you appreciate and respect your friends.


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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Fighting Right at Every Stage of Love Quarrel

Such unavoidable scuffles you have with your man don’t have to set off turmoil in the relationship. In effect, when dealt with appropriately, quarrels can help you better understand and value each other. Yap, I’m serious!

Clashes with your man are not amusing, but they’re inevitable. And when they come, you may be bothered that the loving bond you’ve established in your relationship will somehow begin to grind down. I don’t think so, fighting is a necessary ingredient for intimacy. It proves that you have invested that much to want to hash something out instead of just writing each other off.

Twisted as it looks, disagreements can in fact deliver an opportunity for you and your guy to grow closer — if you handle them constructively instead of allowing them devolve into huge, repulsive nosh-ups. It takes emotional intelligence to take the anger out of an issue and talk about it productively, and many people don’t learn those skills growing up. . On the following pages, top communication, relationship, and conflict-resolution experts provide their best pieces of advice on how to avoid common quarreling pitfalls, plus crucial strategies for fighting right at every stage of a love quarrel.

PRELIMINARIES: ESCALATING MOVES

E-mailing your grievances. If you’ve been stewing over something your guy said or did, it’s tempting to fire off a bitchy e-mail or IM detailing your issues. But by doing that, you run the risk of blindsiding your guy — remember, he may be clueless to the fact that you’re upset.

Trapping him. It’s important to pick a good time to air your gripe. So if your boyfriend thinks he’s coming home to spend the night vegging on the couch and instead you rip into him the second he walks in the door about how badly he behaved in front of your friends last Friday, you’re setting him — and yourself — up. At best, he’ll offer a stunned, knee-jerk response that will likely upset you more. If you’re not both in a frame of mind to discuss the issue, nothing will get solved.

PRELIMINARIES: BONDING MOVES

Identify the real problem. Say you’re seething because he didn’t RSVP to his friend’s party on your behalf. Before you read him the riot act, spend time reflecting — maybe you feel left out of his social circle or you have concerns about his lack of responsibility or etiquette. Fighting is often about something much deeper than the surface issue. Freaking out about a specific instance (the RSVP debacle) won’t improve communication. But if you can identify what’s really bothering you, he can work on that bigger issue.

Settle evenly. Guys are biologically engineered to avoid screechy female tones...or so you’d think. Meaning, if you want him to stay in the room long enough to hear you out, you have to calm your butt down. What I suggest is taking two breaths into your belly and thinking of something good in your life so your nervous system relaxes. Taking that moment will help you remain kind, which in turn will get him to see how committed you are to finding a sane solution.

FOR THE DURATION: ESCALATING MOVES

Confining your comments. The tiff started when he came home late, but since you’re riled up, you also bring up how sexist his friends are and how selfish he is to watch TV when you’re having a bad day. Confine your discussion to one incident. Snowballing your complaints confuses both of you about what the real issue is. Keeping focused lets you resolve the argument at hand instead of creating new ones.

Avoiding repetitions. If he doesn’t seem to get why you’re so peeved through his thick skull, keep hammering it home, right? Wrong. Anytime one of you repeats yourself, it means the other person has stopped listening and put on their mental mute button. At this point, productivity is at a standstill.

Filthy shots. Sarcasm and name-calling are cheap shots. It takes maturity to stay even-keeled.

FOR THE DURATION: BONDING MOVES

Saying instead of blaming. It sounds psychobabbly, but it really works and makes people less defensive. Try it: “You don’t do any chores, so I did the dishes again!” sounds blamey, while “I feel like I’m left with an unfair share of housework, such as the dishes. What do you think about that?” suddenly opens things up for a legit discussion.

Inquiring. As your guy spells out his side, get details: “When did you first notice this?” or “What would you like me to do next time?” This shows him that you’re listening, and guys respond well when they feel respected.

Taking time-off. If things get ugly, say “I’m too upset to talk rationally. Can we revisit this tomorrow/after I work out/in an hour or so?” When you think of a fight as a talk, not a blowout, it takes the fear out of it. You both become more optimistic about handling it.

FINISHING OFF: ESCALATING MOVES

Obliging. Not all arguments can be resolved in one sitting. So while you might want to slog out the details right away, your guy may be over it — at least for the night. People in conflict have different styles of settling things and need different amounts of time to process what’s been said, and all of them are valid. As long as you’ve said your piece and feel heard, be willing to compromise with how your partner wants to handle the situation.

Requiring a perfect act of contrition. When we’re mad, our reptilian brain kicks in and wants our opponent to grovel and apologize. It’s crucial to let your frontal lobe take control and remind you that it’s the big picture — harmony — that’s important. So if he said he was sorry, take it at face value instead of holding out for him to say it the “right” way.

FINISHING OFF: BONDING MOVES

Get going. Once you’ve heard the outcome you were after (an apology, a promise to try harder, an explanation of why he feels that way, etc.), any further fighting is self-indulgent. Be willing to stop when you reach your goal. Move on

Clearing it out verbally. When you come to an agreement on something that needs to change, verbalize the specifics so you both know what to expect. For example, “In the future, if I’m going to be working past 8, I’ll call you. That way, you don’t misunderstand and wind up bickering again about the same thing.

Signing in prior to sign out. Before you walk away, say that as far as you’re concerned, the issue is resolved, then ask him if he feels the same. It conveys concern for your mate’s point of view.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: DIVIDING MOVES

Keeping a chip on your shoulder. Some people blow the memory of a dispute way out of proportion. But by nurturing a grudge and holding on to your anger, you hurt for far longer than you need to.

Referencing the brawl. Making cracks about your fight-night drama in front of other people — even as a joke — erodes trust. It escalates his defensiveness, both on that topic and the next one you have an argument about. Just the mention of a sore subject in front of a third party can make him feel like he’s being attacked or belittled.

Clamoring for the final word. Say you let things go at the time, but you just thought of a great point to make or something clever you should’ve said. So you toss a pointed comment over dinner or send an e-mail “clarifying” your point of view. These actions only re-engage the entire tussle and leave him wondering if he can trust that you’re telling the truth the next time you say you’ve made peace with the matter.

DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH: UNITING MOVES

Spotlighting his finest traits. After a draining debate, spend some time dwelling on what you love about your guy — even the smallest, stupidest things, like how he always restocks the cookies when they’re running low. Contemplating your partner’s good points puts him in a more positive light in your mind, and it helps balance the stuff that’s irritating about him.

Sending a nice note/e-mail. No need to rehash the events, but bouncing him a “Thanks for talking that over” or “Again, I’m sorry, and I love you” can go a long way toward rebuilding goodwill. When you give these interpersonal gifts, the natural instinct on his part is to give you one in return at some point. It’s a gesture that only benefits the relationship.

Caressing him. A reassuring hug or back scratch can be all it takes to transmit to your guy (who’s naturally less verbal) that you’re still a tight couple. These touches are all about reassuring him and expressing your love — directly and indirectly. They say, ‘Yes, I can be angry and still love you.’” And, hey, if it leads to make-up sex, so be it. There’s a reason that variety of nooky has such a hot reputation.

Friday, October 31, 2008

WONDERFUL REMARKS

One small remark makes a lot of difference in a relationship. One hell of a remark could get things into trouble. One wonderful remark could mean life. But remarks may not come in words uttered or written. Remarks could remarkably bare the truth and expose your person. Perhaps even silence is a remark. The lyrics of this song by Van Morrison unveils the intricate realities that come with a remark.
“Wonderful Remark” Lyrics by Von Morrison

How can you stand the silence
That pervades when we all cry
How can you watch the violence
That erupts before your eyes

You can't even grab a hold on
When we're hanging oh so loose
You don't even listen to us
When we talk it ain't no use

Leave your thoughtlessness behind you
Then you may begin to understand
Clear the emptiness around you
With the waving of your hand

Refrain : That was a wonderful remark
I had my eyes closed in the dark
I sighed a million sighs
I told a million lies to myself, to myself
Ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh, ooh oh

Now, how can we listen to you
When we know that your talk is cheap
How can we never question
Why we give more and you keep

How can your empty laughter
Fill a room like ours with joy
When you're only playing with us
Like a child does with a toy

How can we ever feel the freedom
Or the flame lit by the spark
How can we ever come out even
When reality is stark

Repeat Refrain

Listen, how can you tell us something
Just to keep us hanging on, yeah
Something that just don't mean nothin'
When we see you, you are gone

Clinging to some other rainbow
While we're standing waiting outside in the cold
Telling us the same sad story
Knowing time is growing old

Touch your world up with some colour
Dream you're swinging on a star
Taste it first then add some flavour
Now you know just who you are

Repeat Refrain 2x