Resilience: The Process of Coming Back and Learning to Recover

Recover, endure, overcome, solve, adapt, hang tough, learn, etc. These words that surface out in a brainstorming session point to one very important human ability and that is “resilience”.

Webster’s Dictionary, defines the word resilience as:” the ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune". Highly resilient people possess several similar qualities, they are inclined to be; playful with childlike curiosity, they constantly learn from experience, they adapt quickly, they have solid self esteem and self confidence, they express feelings honestly, have good friendships, they expect things to work out well, read others with empathy, they use their intuition and creative hunches, they defend themselves well, and they have a talent for serendipity.

On a more corporate view, system resilience refers to the property of being able to recover and endure. It is the measure of the persistence of systems and of their ability to absorb change and disturbance and still maintain the same relationships between populations or state variables. It is the capacity of a system to experience shocks while retaining essentially the same function, structure, feedbacks, and therefore identity. This is the ability of groups or communities to cope with external stresses and disturbances as a result of social, political, and environmental change; and the same ability of the system to withstand either market or environmental shocks without losing the capacity to allocate resources efficiently. It’s flexibility in the long run. Resilience has three characteristics capacities, namely, a) to absorb disturbances, b) for self-organization, and c) for learning. Its four aspects are latitude, resistance, precariousness, and cross-scale relations.
Knowing now what resilience is reminds you that you have it. Resilience is an emotional muscle that can grow with use and practice -- or waste away if disregarded. Everyone can develop this emotional muscle. Everyone needs to. You are born with some resilience. You have the choice how to apply it throughout your life. To grow resilience you need fuel, you need challenge and you need lots of practice.

A number of people think that resilience is a trait that is natural; you either have it or you don't. But that is not quite accurate. You are born with some component characteristics that aid and abet the development of resilience. For example, there is a contribution that temperament makes to the acquisition of resilience; some people are simply born with less reactivity to stress. It makes them hardier in the face of adversity and better able to draw on their cognitive abilities in situations that throw others off balance.

Some are also born with more optimism or are more extraverted. Still others have more guts, are more prone to take risks. All of these qualities, generally considered to be inborn components of personality, influence the ease with which you develop resilience. But determination and practice can help anyone foster resilience. It is, in fact, more a learning process than an inherited gift. What, then, do you do to grow resilience?

• When life hands you a setback, readjust your own identity. Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and start thinking of yourself as a problem-solver. Flip the switch in your brain. Don't focus on yourself or your shortcomings, focus on your goal and what you need to do to get there. Ask yourself, How do I solve the problem?
• Always challenge yourself to go just beyond your comfort zone. Risk builds resilience, and it's OK to take reasonable risks. The simplest way to go beyond your comfort zone is to learn a new skill. There is no end to the number of areas in which you can go beyond your comfort zone. If you argue a lot with your spouse, don't give up. Try for an understanding one more time. If you are having trouble with a child, remember how much you love him or her. The aim is to convert everyday stresses into opportunities for growth. You use them as springboards for developing coping strategies that ensure the survival of self.
• Choose a hero, so that in the face of adversity you can maintain a positive identification. I know men who when facing difficulty summon up images of themselves as Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Women can summon up the story of Joan of Arc. Or think of a grandparent who survived the Holocaust.
• Think of stories of resilience and stars of resilience. Search for models of resilience and study what they did. You don't have to go far to find them. The media offer plenty of possibilities: Christopher Reeve, Lance Armstrong, even Hillary Clinton. When, as a new senator, she was told that people don't like her, she smiled and said, "That's because they don't know me." I recommend to you, that you conjure up any glimpse or memory that can bring a wave of warmth to you. Grab onto them, because that is what they are there for - to see you through the hard times. Hang onto any inspiration, whatever, or whomever it may be.
• Actively gather information about resilience. Ask people you know how they have handled setbacks. Build a personal support network. Include those that are positive that can listen and help you remember that it hasn’t always been this way.
• Push yourself physically. Regular exercise helps you maintain a positive attitude and breeds feelings of strength. It is in fact a model of strength and what resilience feels like. It's easy to understand resilience when you experience it organically. When you run a mile, run a mile and a half. When you lift 10-pound weights, go for 15 pounds. Hold your yoga pose a few seconds longer.
• Teach yourself patience. Resilience requires being more strategic and less impulsive. Give yourself more time before reacting to inflammatory situations. If someone is rude to you, don't immediately respond in kind or display contempt. Take three deep breaths before you choose to act. You need to build more space between impulse and action. By definition, when you are less reactive, you become more resilient.

"When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor."

We may be branded lazy people who do not want to face up to responsibility. Decimated maybe, but not lazy. The large majority of the people are fighters in the truest sense. We have to be curious, nosey, about what’s around the corner, the next minute, and the next day. We know that things can change in minutes. We have somehow experienced feeling desperate and defeated and to wake up somehow feeling human again.

Finally, I believe we all suffer in our own ways. Most hide it better than others do. Some are lucky enough not to be challenged in the same ways. Resolve to keep trying in whatever way you can. Sometimes that may mean just waking up and staying awake. To some this is an easy feat. Do your best - believe in yourself - only you know in your own heart who you really are. The thing that really amazes me in this life, is the resilience of the human spirit and I have been a witness to so many examples...

"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out and meet it" (Thucydides).